Memor Mihi
by katyrye
Summary: After a car accident, Gil can't remember his life with Sara. T-M
1. Chapter 1

"No!" Gil Grissom shouted. "No Emily, get away from the wall!"

Without thinking he grabbed her small hand and pried the crayon from her fist. Emily's face turned red and tears welled up, she looked at her father in total shock. Quickly he snatched the little girl up and put her on the couch.

"Don't cry," Gil said, in more of an angry tone than fatherly. "You were the one that got caught."

Sara had heard the commotion from upstairs, where she was putting clothes away. She hurried down and saw Emily in tears on the sofa. She looked at Gil accusingly and put her hands on her hips.

"Gil," she said. "Why are you so short?"

"I'm not," Gil said defensively. "If I just let her color on the wall, then that would be bad parenting."

Sara slowly walked over to him and placed her hands lovingly on his shoulders. "Honey, it isn't just today. You've been angry for nearly a month," she said as she kissed him gently. "Tell me what's wrong."

Gil pulled away from her. "Nothing," he said.

Sara winced as he turned away from her. Though her pride was injured, she forged ahead. "You can't make us all miserable, Gil," she said. "Maybe we should take a vacation soon. I know class has been hard-"

"Sara," Gil said as he cut her off. "I don't want to talk about it. If I am making you so miserable, then I'll just go sleep somewhere else."

Sara was confused and her anger was overwhelming. "Look, don't be an asshole. You need to just calm down and take a step back," she said. "You're not the only one with a demanding job."

Gil laughed. "So what do you do all day," he asked.

Sara took offense. "Look," she said. "Teaching high school is almost MORE demanding than college. "

"Just shut... drop it," Gil said. "I have had a long day and I want some quiet."

Emily was clinging to Sara's leg, so she hoisted her up on her hip and glared at Gil. "I think you need to go, Gil," she said.

Gil didn't hesitate to grab his keys off the hook on the kitchen wall. "Maybe I will," he said.

Sara nodded. "Fine," she said. "Do you whatever you want."

O~O

Angrily Sara finished folding the laundry and shoved it forcefully into the drawers. She didn't know what had gotten into Gil, nor did she care at the moment. For nearly a month he had been coming home from work angry, going to bed angry, and leaving to work angry. The tension between them had been so bad that neither one of them attempted to be romantic with the other, she just had her hopes that he would straighten himself out.

"I don't care," Sara muttered to herself. "If he wants to act like a dick he can."

After Gil had stormed out, Sara had somehow gotten Emily to sleep. She was too upset to sleep, so she did laundry and kept the phone beside her with the hopes that Gil would call. Sara stayed awake until half-past midnight and gave it up; he was probably asleep in a hotel. She was just about to cradle the phone when it rang in her hand. Quickly she answered, expecting a slew of apologies and promises.

"Mrs. Grissom?" A man's voice asked.

O~O

"Gil, can you hear me?" a man's voice asked.

The voice sounded far away and distorted, but what it was asking was clear. Gil struggled to open his eyes, but they wouldn't budge. Everything around him was black. At the end of the long, dark tunnel was a light. It was always said that if you were having a near death experience, you should stay away from the light. In this case the light seemed to promise answers, so his mind went towards it. He felt two fingers pry one of his eyes open and the bright light caused his head to throb.

"Dr. Grissom," the voice said, clearer this time. "Can you hear me? Do you know your name?"

Gil licked his lips and found that his mouth was incredibly dry and the need for water was overpowering. Slowly he began to notice the things around him, though his vision was still foggy.

"What is your name?" the voice asked louder this time.

Gil swallowed. "Gil Grissom," he said his voice hoarse.

"Good," the man said.

Gil blinked the matter out of his eyes and saw that the man who talking to him was a doctor and that he was laying in a hospital bed. He struggled to remember why he would be in the hospital, but his mind came up blank.

"Why… why am I here?" he asked.

The doctor slid his pen light back into his breast pocket. "You had an accident, Gil. A pretty bad one," he said. "My name is Dr. Stogner."

"Accident? What kind of Accident?" Gil asked.

Dr. Stogner wrote something on his clipboard. "A car accident," he replied. "You were nearly killed."

He pulled back his blanket and Gil saw that one of his legs was badly broken. He was bruised all over, more so on the left side. His ribs, along the left side of his body, were broken and a white bandage was wrapped around his middle.

"You were hit by a Semi that ran a red light. You were wearing your seat-belt, but you were hit on the driver's side, so it didn't do much for you. You have a double compound fracture of the tibia and fibula. All your ribs are broken and there is a pin in you hip. Your left arm isn't broken, but may be quite sore because it had to be relocated," Dr. Stogner paused and pulled the blanket back up. "You also have a concussion and a skull fracture. We won't know how badly until we get a CT scan done."

Gil let all this sink in. "What… day is it?" he asked.

"Today is December fifth," Dr. Stogner answered. "Year two-thousand nine."

Gil was surprised. "Two thousand and nine?" he said.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Dr. Stogner asked.

Gil rested his pounding head back against the pillow and closed his eyes. Everything he was being told didn't sound real to him, but the proof was all over him that something had happened.

"I remember getting into my car and leaving the lab," he said.

Dr. Stogner flipped through a manila envelope. "Where do you work?" he asked.

"I just told you," Gil said, a little annoyed. "I work at the lab. "

"Gil, what is the last date that comes to mind?" Dr. Stogner asked.

Gil raised an eyebrow the best he could. "The last day I remember was September twenty-third, two thousand and two."

"Well, I'll have some nurses bring you something to eat and make you a little more comfortable," Dr. Stogner said. "I'll be right back."

0~0

Every day for the last three weeks, Sara had sat in the same waiting room, in the same seat, having the same thoughts she did every time. The last words she shared with Gil had been hostile and mean. In her heart she regretted ever word and wished she had just kept her mouth shut. When Dr. Stogner appeared, she stood quickly and hurried over.

"He's awake," he said. "I don't want you to be surprised. There is a little damage."

Sara's hand flew to her mouth. "Damage?" she said.

Dr. Stogner put his hand on her shoulder. "We are very lucky he is alive and there isn't any serious brain damage or spinal injuries. He seems to think its two thousand and two," he said.

Sara sank down into a chair. "Does he know that we're married? What about our daughter?" she asked.

Dr. Stogner shook his head. "You can go see him in a moment," he said.

He gave instructions to a nurse to escort Sara to see Gil after his bed clothes had been changed. Sara thought that she should be the one changing his sheets and making sure he ate, but all she could do was hope that the doctors were trying their best.

O~O

After what seemed like hours, a nurse took Sara back to see Gil. She had sat with him many times, hoping he would wake up. Luckily she wasn't given the option to have to put him on life support. Gil always told her that if something happened, he didn't want to be put on life support. The thought of being a vegetable and raising hopes, never sat right with him, and Sara had it in her mind to respect his wishes no matter how hard it would be. When she peeped her head into the room she saw Gil sitting up, flipping through the channels on the television.

"Gil?" she said cautiously.

He turned his head to look at her. "Sara?" he said. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?"

Sara came in and shut the door. "The hospital called me," she said.

"They called you?" he asked surprisingly. "Why would they call you?"

Sara chewed her lip nervously. If she was honest with him, it could go one of two ways. He would either be in denial and the nurses would drag her out, or he would understand.

"Gil," Sara said. "The doctors said that you have forgotten quite a lot."

Gil nodded. "I feel like I just woke up and it's all of a sudden two-thousand nine," he said. "I don't know what else I have forgotten."

Sara walked to his bedside and sat down. "Do you… want me to tell you?" she asked.

Gil was hesitant, but he nodded. "I'm a little nervous," he said. "Tell me that I'm not married with a dozen children."

Sara tried to smile at the old 'Grissom humor', but it was difficult. "You are married, but without a dozen children."

Sara waited on a response, but none came. She took this moment to take in is appearance. From head to toe, he looked battered and bruised. His neck was in a foam cushion because of his serious case of whip-lash. Just then, she wondered what she was going to do. Was he going to let her take care of him? Were things ever going to be the same?

"So, do you know her?" Gil asked.

Sara nodded. "Me, Gil," she said. "You married me."

Gil quickly looked at her, his blue eyes large with surprise. "How… when…how long?" he stuttered.

"We've been married for four years," she said. "We don't live in Las Vegas anymore. We live in Las Angeles. You are the Dean of Biology at UCLA and I teach high school physics."

Gil was quiet as he thought about what she had told him "Are you joking?" he asked.

Sara blinked. "No. No I'm not joking," she said.

Gil laid his head back against the pillow. "I don't understand why I would marry you," he said. "We weren't even dating."

Sara fought to keep her tears back. She wanted to be angry and ask him how he could forget about her. For four years they slept in the same bed and lived under the same roof. They knew each others bodies better than they knew their own and they had made a child.

"I'll just go," she said as she stood.

Gil nodded. "Thanks for coming by," he said.

Once she was outside his room the dam broke. At that moment life didn't seem fair. Sara sobbed uncontrollably and hurried to the bathroom. Gil had spoken to her like she was 'Sara Sidle' and not 'Sara Grissom'. Slowly she regained her composure and straightened her hair in the mirror. There was a chance that this was temporary. Perhaps tomorrow he would remember everything.

O~O

After Sara left, Gil turned the television off. The news she had told him was unbelievable; that they were man and wife. The last memory of Sara, that he could recall, was of her storming out of his office. She was upset about something and for the life of him, he couldn't remember what it was. It was difficult to believe that they started a love affair and eventually got married. Of course, he had been fond of her romantically before, but that time had passed for them. He was content to admire from a distance, with the understanding that they would never be together.


	2. Chapter 2

If there was one thing that Gil would never forget, it was that hospital food had no appeal. The food he was brought was overcooked most of the time and the pudding tasted like diesel fuel. He ate at a slow pace, not only because of the horrid taste, but because his broken ribs made swallowing painful. It had been a week since he woke up to find that he had jumped forward in time and there hadn't been any improvement. Sara had made herself scarce around him, but he caught glimpses of her as she spoke to doctors and nurses. He wasn't exactly sure on how to handle his situation with her. To say he felt bad was a serious understatement, but he couldn't produce the feelings of love she expected from him.

"Eating well?" Dr. Stogner asked, entering the room with his clipboard.

Gil shook his head. "No," he said as he said the pudding bowl down. "This stuff tastes like shit."

Dr. Stogner smiled. "I'm not too fond of it myself," he said. "I bet Sara is a good cook. You'll never have to eat another spoonful of hospital macaroni again."

"So," Gil said. "I am supposed to go home with her and just… hope I remember everything that has happened to me for the past six years."

"Basically," Dr. Stogner said. "That's all we can do. Being at home may jog your memory, or maybe it won't. What's important is that you get back into the swing of things and try to heal."

Gil nodded. "I don't know how I am going to do this," he said. "When I think of home I imagine my townhouse back in Las Vegas."

Dr. Stogner sat on the end of Gil's bed and took off his glasses. "Gil," he said. "This is hard for both you and Sara. She is going to do her best, but you're going to have to meet her half way. Now, there are techniques you can try… like hypnotism, but it isn't guaranteed."

"So," Gil said. "Has my CT scan come back yet?"

Dr. Stogner stood. "That's what I came in to show you," he pulled the X-ray out of the manila folder and held it up to the light. "Do you see this mass right here? This is the cerebral contusion on your left temporal lobe."

Gil looked on. "How long will it take to heal?" he asked.

"All contusions are different," Dr. Stogner said. "They usually heal on their own, but that still doesn't ensure your memory will come back at one hundred percent."

Gil nodded. "So this is all a waiting game," he said.

O~O

On Gil's last day in the hospital, everything seemed to be going wrong for Sara. Traffic was backed up for nearly a mile, the parking lot was full, and not to mention the fact that she had to go to four different medical supply stores before she found a pair of decent crutches. She was finally able to make it to Gil's room before they wheeled him out and left him waiting in the hallway.

"I am so sorry," she said as she walked up to Gil and the nurse. "Traffic was backed up for nearly a mile."

Gil turned his head to look at her. "I don't think I'd able get far if I tried to escape," he said.

Sara signed all the release forms in a blur. Gil was dressed in a pair of loose sweat pants and a wind breaker. It was all Sara could find that wouldn't be too tight on him. His body had swelled and he looked bigger than he usually was.

"Now, he is going to be in quite a bit of pain so make sure to give him his pain medication as needed," the nurse instructed as they wheeled towards the outpatient loop. "There is a prescription for infection and another to help him sleep. He'll need a pair of crutches-"

"I bought them," Sara said.

The nurse nodded. "I believe he'll have some trouble doing things on his own, but I am sure you know that," she said.

Sara said that she did and hurried ahead to bring the car through the loop. With the nurse's help, they secured Gil in the front seat and Sara slid behind the wheel. The silence was deafening as she drove, but she wasn't sure what to say.

"The house has been really quiet," she finally said. "I'll be glad to have you around."

"Thanks," Gil said. "I'm glad I can help."

Sara turned on the radio and turned it to his favorite station- a station that played oldies and jazz. If there was any chance that he would recall anything, then she would have to surround him with what he was most familiar with. She wanted Emily to be at home to see Gil, but she wasn't quite sure how that would play out so she had her mother keep her until she could get everything under control. A child so young couldn't understand that her daddy couldn't remember her.

"I bet you're hungry," Sara said. "I'll make something tasty tonight. I have some pictures at home… maybe you'll remember something."

Gil nodded, but kept his eyes on his surroundings. "I hope so," he said.

"Do you feel sore?" Sara asked. "I have some water and your pills."

Gil shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm fine."

Sara pointed out the window. "There's the university you teach at," she said.

Gil looked out the window and saw UCLA form the freeway. He had seen it many times before, but no memories of teaching there flooded back. Sara frowned and continued on past the school.

"How long have I been teaching here?" Gil asked.

Sara thought back. "About two years," she said. "Maybe a little more."

Gil nodded. "So, how long have we been living here?" he asked.

"We moved here when you were offered the job," Sara explained. "I teach high school physics at a private high school. We used to eat lunch together."

Gil shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry none of these sounds familiar to me," he said. "I still look at you like you're Sara Sidle...not my wife."

Sara sighed. "But when I look at you I see my husband," she said.

O~O

Sara pulled the car into the garage of a two–story, brick house. It was grey all around with black shutters and had tan painted trim. The front porch was spacious, but the front yard was small. There was a big oak tree in the front yard and leaves were scattered everywhere. The whole property looked like it had been torn form a _Better Homes and Gardens _magazine.

"Do we live here alone?" Gil asked.

Sara gulped. "Not exactly," she said as she helped him out of the car and onto his crutches. "We uh… have a permanent tenant."

Gil handled the crutches clumsily. "Oh," he said. "It looks a little big for just the two of us."

Sara agreed. "It one bathroom upstairs and two bedrooms, downstairs there are two bedrooms and a two bathroom. It is large and we thought about moving," she said as she helped him climb the porch steps. "But it's our home."

As carefully as she could Sara sat Gil down on the porch swing and keyed into the house. Gil looked around the porch nervously. He would never have dreamed that he would be living in a house this size… and with a porch swing no doubt.

"How many mortgages do we have?" Gil joked.

Sara brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Surprisingly none," she said as she helped him to stand. "Your job pays well and my job keeps me out of trouble."

Gil laughed at her joke, but the pain in his ribs made him wince. Sara sat him on the couch quickly and opened his bottle of pain medication.

"Here," she said as she offered him her bottled water.

Gil took the pills from her hand and gulped them down. Sara disappeared into one of the bedrooms and emerged with an armful of pillows.

"Do you want to change clothes?" She asked as she tried her best to arrange the pillows comfortably.

Gil thought about this. If he opted to change, then Sara would have to help him. Not only has she done enough, he didn't feel comfortable being naked around her. Then again, if he was in fact married to her, they had seen each other naked on numerous occasions. He just didn't remember.

"No," he decided. "No I'm fine."

Gil took a moment to look around the house. The floors were hard wood, but there were rugs under the coffee table and the dining room table. The couch he was sitting on was comfortable and had a matching love seat. There was a flat panel T.V across the room and two bookshelves held text books. He recognized a few of them and remembered buying them. From one of these bookshelves, Sara withdrew a thin photo album.

"I have some pictures you can look at," she said hopefully. "Maybe something will come back."

She sat down beside him and opened the album. The first picture he saw was of a little girl. She had brown hair and clear, blue eyes. She was holding a stuffed rabbit and smiling for the camera.

"Gil, this is our daughter, Emily," Sara said.

Gil felt as if his stomach had dropped out. Not only was he a husband, but he was a father too. He looked at the picture intently and then looked back at Sara; the two looked alike. Emily had Sara's oval face and nose, but she had his eyes.

Gil shook his head. "This is impossible," he said. "There's no way."

Sara bit her lip and waited for him to say something. She knew his reaction was going to be difficult, but she didn't anticipate on crying.

"We bought this house when I was six months pregnant," Sara explained. "We wanted something smaller, but you wanted to be settled before she was born."

"I just… I don't understand how I could forget I have a child," Gil said, turning the page.

The next picture was of the same little girl. He saw holding her and they were both waving at the camera. It was almost overwhelming to see yourself in a photo you didn't remember. The album was filled with page after page of Emily. He was in most of them, but Sara was in a few.

"Gil," Sara said. "I want you to know that I love you."

Gil quickly looked at her. Hearing her tell him that she loved him was strange and wrong. Without saying anything, he stared at her. He didn't know how to answer her. The evidence around him told that he had a life with her, but that didn't necessarily mean that he loved her.

"Sara, I don't know what to say," he said.

Sara brushed away her tears. "You don't have to say anything," she said. "I understand that it's not your fault." She paused and fingered the pages of the photo album. "When I got the phone call I was waiting on you to call. I never thought-"

Sara put her hand over her mouth to control her sobs. Quickly she stood and went into the kitchen. Gil was at a loss. He contemplated going after her, but he wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do. He wanted to tell her what she wanted to her, but he felt odd about it. He felt like he would be lying to her.

* * *

Please leave a review with your thoughts!~


	3. Chapter 3

For dinner that night, Sara prepared grilled salmon and tossed a salad. The fish was sprinkled with just enough salt and had a hint of lemon flavoring. On the first bite, Gil thought that he was in heaven. There were also bread sticks and they each had a glass of wine. At first, Gil was hesitant to let her open the bottle, but he figured they both needed to relax.

"This is so much better than the food I was being fed at the hospital," Gil said as he sopped up the last of the salad dressing with his bread.

Sara smiled. "I am glad you liked it,"" she said. "It's a lot better for you."

While Sara took their plates to the kitchen, Gil leaned back into his pillows and sighed. "So," he asked. "What happened to my classes at UCLA?"

Sara finished scrapping the leftover fish into a dog bowl and looked back at him. "I took care of it," she said. "You keep your papers well organized. I was able to give your final exams early."

Gil nodded. "What about your job?" he asked.

Sara shrugged. "It wasn't a big deal," she said. "I found a substitute, but I start back tomorrow. My school doesn't let out for another week."

She opened the backdoor and a furry boxer bounded in. When he saw Gil he made a beeline and obediently sat at his feet. Gil read the dogs tags and found that his name was 'Hank'. He gave the dog a pat and tried to shoo him away. Hank obediently turned, bounded into a bedroom, and then returned with a rather unfortunate looking tennis ball.

Sara smiled and laughed her familiar, smoky laugh. "He wants you to throw it," she said.

Gil tugged the ball out of the dog's mouth and tossed it into the hallway, where it bounced and disappeared. Hank scrambled after it. After what sounded like a brief struggle, he emerged with the ball. Sara took it from him and placed on the bookshelf.

"Daddy doesn't feel good," she said, rubbing the dog's furry head.

"Who named him 'Hank'?" Gil asked.

"You did," Sara said. "You named him after Hank Sauer, the slugger for the Chicago Cubs."

Gil chuckled. "That sounds like me," he said. "I named my tarantula after Stevie Wonder."

Sara nodded. "Yes, I remember 'Little Stevie'," she said.

Gil scratched his beard. There wasn't really anything that he could think of to tell her that she probably didn't already know. In the kitchen, Sara finished loading the dishwasher and turned out the light. She disappeared for a moment, but then reemerged from the bedroom wearing a pair of boy shorts and a T-shirt. The T-shirt looked to be a little too tight and Gil contemplated about asking her to change. She padded to the couch with her glass of wine and took a seat beside him.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and looking at him intently.

Gil looked at her sideways. "Do we have a good marriage?" he asked.

Sara laid her head back against the couch. "I think we do," she said. "We've had our ups and downs, but we always pull out of it unscathed."

"What about this," he asked. "Do you think our marriage was strong enough to make it through something like this?"

Just because Gil didn't remember loving or marrying Sara, didn't mean he wanted to ruin a family. There was tangible proof that they had had a child together, but whether they could make it work was a different story. Sara took a sip of her wine and changed the subject.

"Are you comfortable?" she asked, her voice changing to a tone that Gil wasn't familiar with.

Gil nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I'm fine."

"Good," Sara whispered.

Sara let her foot drop and she seductively caressed Gil's calf. She relished the feel of his fine hairs against her soft foot and sighed. A week ago she feared that she would never be able to see or touch him ever again. The pain of almost losing him was overwhelming and she wanted to celebrate the fact that he was alive.

"Sara," Gil said. "I can't-"

Sara set her glass of wine on the coffee table in front of them and brought her lips to his neck. She kissed him gently, letting her tongue taste his salty skin. "Shh," she whispered into his ear.

Gil's heart was pounding. "Sara, I can't," he said as he pulled away.

Sara pulled back and looked into his eyes. The blue eyes that looked back didn't mirror the desires and feelings of love that she had, they showed confusion. Sara bit her trembling lip.

"Just relax," She said. "I'll make you feel better."

Gil put his hand on her shoulder. "Sara," he said. "I don't know what to do about this."

Sara couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the situation. She stood angrily and carried her glass of wine to the kitchen. Slowly she poured it down the sink, as if the liquid going down the drain were symbolic.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't how to act around you anymore."

Gil felt as if he had been cast into a dark abyss without a rope. He wanted Sara to feel better, but he didn't know how to help her. He never enjoyed seeing her cry and he always felt powerless when it came to her.

"I never imagined this would happen to me," he said. "I don't… I don't know what to do."

Sara brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Can't you just simply look around you and conclude that we had a life?" she said. "Gil, we made a child. You loved her more than anything."

"I don't doubt I loved her," Gil said. "It's natural for a man to love his children."

Sara felt as if she had been slapped in the face. "But you doubt you loved me?" she asked.

Gil shrugged. "I don't know, Sara," he said. "For all I know we could have been going through a divorce."

Sara scoffed. "You're acting like the same damn fool I knew eight years ago!" she shouted at him.

Gil looked at her, surprised that she had raised her voice to that octave. "What is that supposed to mean!?" he asked.

"It means that I 'm not going to beat around the bush with you, Gil," Sara said. "You were good at your job, but when it came to your personal life, you were blundering idiot!" She paused and looked him directly in the eye. "You never stopped to notice that I had feelings for you."

"I noticed," Gil replied. "I also noticed that you were so emotionally unstable at work I regretted asking you to come to Vegas!"

Sara brushed her tears away. "Thanks for telling me now," she said. "It certainly fixes things."

Gil pushed her comments to the side. "I should have listened to Catherine," Gil said. "She said you connected with the victims too often. I should have known."

Sara pulled open a drawer in the kitchen and withdrew a black, leather-bond address book. She opened it to 'W', found Catherine's name, and thrust it at Gil. "Call her," she said. "Have a chat."

Gil looked at the clock. "It's nine O'clock," he said.

Sara turned to head to the bedroom. "Then do it in the morning!" She said as she slammed the door.

O~O

Gil tossed and turned on the sofa, trying to sleep comfortably. Whichever way he turned, he was in pain. He thought about asking if he could sleep somewhere else, but after arguing with Sara he didn't want to talk to her. Finally he drifted off, but awoke hours later with feverish pain. He struggled to sit up and clicked on the lamp to look for his pills. Dr. Stogner had said that his vision would be blurred when he woke up for a while, but that it would pass. Gil rested his head on the back of the couch, hoping that his vision would return to normal. The longer he waited, the more his head swam. Nausea churned in his stomach and threatened to come up. Finally, he could take the pain no more.

"Sara!" he called.

Hank padded into the living room, his nails making a clicking sound on the hard wood. He looked up at Gil, licked his hand, and whimpered. A sharp pain in Gil's left temple sent a bolt of lightning to his stomach.

"Sara!" he called again.

Gil heard shuffling in the bedroom and the door opened. Though he couldn't see her plainly, Gil could make out Sara's form standing in the doorway.

"What do you need?" she asked in a sleepy-concerned voice.

"Pain," Gil said. "I'm in so much pain."

Sara acted quickly. She grabbed his bottle from off of the coffee table and put two pills in his hand. She offered him a fresh glass of water and waited as he gulped them down.

"Gil," she said. "You're soaked with sweat. You can't sleep in those clothes."

Sara disappeared into the bedroom and emerged with some of his clothes. Gil felt feverish all over, but he was cold.

"I'm going to strip you down," Sara said. "But I've seen it all. So don't worry about being modest."

Carefully, she pulled his shirt over his head. The air from the room hit his bare skin and felt like an ice cube. Sara wiped his chest off, trying to dry of some of the sweat. Clumsily she pulled a new T-shirt over his head and Gil felt a little better.

"You always sweat like a pig," Sara commented as she cautiously pulled his pants down his legs.

Gil couldn't argue with her; he had always sweated profusely. "Thank you," he said to her. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Sara sighed and gathered the soiled clothes. "Gil, despite what you remember, I took a vow to love you 'for better or worse'," she said. "And despite what you think… I love you."

Gil waited while she carried the dirty laundry to the wash-room. When she returned, she helped him to stand and walked him to the bedroom. The master bedroom was very large and spacious. There was a king-sized against the far wall and the ceiling was high. All the furniture was mahogany and, unlike the living room, the master bedroom was carpeted.

"You can sleep in here," she said as she pulled back the blankets and helped him climb into bed.

Sara set up the baby monitor in the bedroom so that she could here Gil if he called. Then she brought him all his pills, a fresh bottle of water, and an extra blanket. She felt like she was being a mother to a big baby, but she thought that it could have been worse. Gil could have been paralyzed or killed.

"You always call me when you need anything," she said as she turned out the light. "Goodnight."

O~O

Upstairs in the guest room, Sara couldn't sleep. It was a rare occasion that they slept in separate beds, but this was an exception. She ached with all her soul to have Gil next to her. His strong arms always held her lovingly, except for the three weeks before his accident. She thought perhaps, that it had been the baby that upset him, but they had talked about it and they decided to push it aside for Emily's sake. Quietly she cried to herself and Gil's question still echoed in her mind.

"Was our marriage strong enough to make it through something like this?" he had asked.

Sara feared the answer, because she honestly didn't know.

* * *

**I hope you like this story, please leave a review because they are like hugging the story... that sounds weird. **


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Gil awoke to find that he had slept very comfortably, but he felt alone and cold in the big bed. He felt as if something was missing, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Despite the fact that Sara had prepared a nice breakfast, Gil didn't have the stomach to eat.

"It's your medication," Sara said. "Take it easy today. I'll come home for lunch and prepare us both some potato soup."

Before she left, Sara made sure Gil was comfortable. She placed extra bottles of water on the nightstand, lined his pills up where could reach them, and even supplied the crossword puzzle. Sara's hospitality pained Gil, and he felt bad about the previous night.

"Sara," he said. "I'm sorry about last night."

Sara brushed a stray hair out of her eyes. "It's fine," she said. "I was pushing too hard. I'm used to acting… a different way around you and now I feel like I need to keep my proximity."

"I wish I could remember something," he said. "Anything that can help me."

Sara straightened his blankets. "It's not going to be all about you, Gil," Sara said. "I feel pain too."

For a moment, the silence was deafening. Gil racked his brain for something to tell her. "I feel lost… and I promise to… listen," he said.

"That's a start," Sara said as she picked up her purse. "I'll be back for lunch."

After she left, silence rang through the empty house. In the living room, a grandfather clock ticked loudly. Hank padded into the bed room, wagging his tail. With a great leap, he landed beside Gil and looked at him obediently. Gil lifted the remote and turned on the television. It was amazing to find that daytime television hadn't changed in the last eight years. With a sigh he turned the television off and looked at Hank.

"Do you think she'll mind if I look around?" he asked the dog.

Hank laid his head down and obediently thumped his tail on the bed. Gil reached for his crutches and struggled to stand. With a grunt, he pulled himself to his feet and hobbled to the dresser. On top of the dresser sat a polished jewelry box. Hesitantly Gil opened it and found pieces of expensive looking jewelry. No piece of jewelry looked too gaudy, but simple and delicate. There were a few diamond rings and pearl earrings. With his index finger, Gil lifted out a silver necklace with a pendant of a green sapphire butterfly. He let it twirl in front of his eyes for a moment, and tried to coax himself to remember it. Did he give to her a Christmas gift? Perhaps he gave it to her while they were dating and she held onto it for years.

"Nothing," Gil muttered as he placed it back into the box.

A photo was resting on the dresser as well. It was a picture of Sara, with his arm protectively around her. They were both smiling broadly and Sara was holding a tiny baby. He picked up the photo and studied it intently. The Gil that looked back at him looked happy and content in his life, which was not at all how he felt now.

"What do you think about this?" he asked the dog, showing him the picture.

It was a fact that if a couple had any secrets to hide, then they were always hidden in the dresser drawers. Cautiously he opened the drawer on the far left of the top row. In it he found pairs of neatly folded pajama tops and bottoms. A pair of house shoes was tucked snuggly in between the clothes. The next drawer held socks and pieces of undergarments. Sara's bras were amongst them, and Gil felt perverted going through her clothes. The last drawer held silk garments of different colors. With his pinkie, he lifted out a red, sheer piece of lingerie. Quickly he returned it to its drawer and slammed it closed. It was hard to imagine Sara slipping it on and modeling it for him. The closet held nothing that could answer any of his questions. He found that he had many expensive business suits and that Sara had a few beautiful dresses. In the back of his mind, he caught himself wondering what she wore them for. Did he perhaps hire a babysitter and take her out for a costly, romantic dinner?

"Think Gil," he said to himself.

O~O

Gil picked the leather-bound address book up off the coffee table and thumbed to Catherine's phone number. If there were two people who knew for a fact what his life was like, they would be Jim and Catherine. As he waited for the phone to connect, Gil thought of ways to explain his accident. The whole situation sounded surreal.

"Hello," Catherine's voice said.

"Cath, it's me," Gil said.

There was a pause. "Gil," she asked, as if she was a little unsure who she was speaking with.

"Yeah," Gil said, "How is everything?"

"Fine," Catherine said. "Everything is fine here. How is little Emily? Last time I saw her you were feeding her a bottle!"

Gil scratched his beard. "Catherine," he said. "I don't remember."

Catherine was silent for a beat. "You can't remember what?" she asked in a confused voice.

"This is going to sound insane," Gil said. "I can't remember the last eight years of my life."

Catherine let out a laugh. "What?" she asked. "Gil, come on don't joke like that."

Gil shook his head and laid his head back against the couch. "I'm not joking," he said. "I can't remember my life with Sara, I can't remember marrying her, and I can't remember Emily."

Catherine couldn't believe the words she was hearing. "Oh my god," she said. "You're serious."

Gil nodded."I don't know what I am doing," he said. "And I don't know what to do. The last thing I remember is getting in my car and leaving the lab."

"How… how did this happen?" Catherine asked. "Did you just wake up like this?"

"I was in an accident," Gil explained. "I woke up in the hospital and for a moment I thought I was at Desert Palm."

Catherine was at a loss. "Gil, all I can tell you is what I know," she said. "I know you love Sara and you love Emily."

"That's the part I can't feel," Gil said. "I see everything around me that says I love her, but I can't feel it."

Catherine sighed. "Gil, I wish I can tell you what to think," she said. "but I do know that if you ruin your family, you'll hate yourself."

Gil closed his eyes. "I don't want to ruin my life," he said. "but I don't know what it was."

"It was nice," Catherine said. "you live in a beautiful home, you and Sara seemed happy, and you have a daughter whom you loved."

"I haven't seen the child yet," Gil said. "Sara took her to her mother's house."

Catherine cleared her throat. "Gil," she said. "Don't close yourself off to this. Don't ruin your own life."

O~O

As promised, Sara came home to fix a quick lunch for Gil. As she moved about the kitchen, Gil watched her. The way she waited on him was done in such a way, that Gil chose to listen to Catherine and go out on a limb. If Sara was his wife, then he would fall for her again. If she wasn't, then they would have no choice but to go their own separate ways.

"Was I a good husband?" Gil asked her.

Sara smiled at some distant memory that he couldn't see. "Yes," she said. "I knew you loved me."

Gil nodded. "Was I a good father?" he asked.

Sara stopped her cooking. "You were an amazing father," she said. "You an Emily were irrespirable. She was a daddy's girl no doubt."

Sara slid a bowl of potato soup in front of him and sat down opposite of him to read a newspaper she had brought home with her. Time had been kind to her beauty, Gil have never said that she wasn't beautiful. Her vision must have dulled over the years, because she had on pair of reading glasses.

"Let's bring her home," Gil said.

Sara looked at him over the rims of her glasses. "I don't think that's a good idea." she said. "She is going to be all over you and you aren't that well yet."

Gil waved her off. "She's my daughter too, right?" he said. "I need to see her. I need to look at her."

Sara turned this over in her head. "Gil," she said. "We need to fix us. We were a very affectionate family, and Emily isn't going to understand why we fight or why we are tense. She'll be able to feel it."

Gil agreed. "If there is any hope though," Gil said. "I know that she'll make me remember. I want to see her. I want to try."

* * *

I am so sorry this one is a little short. I am so tired. Please review.. Katy :)


	5. Chapter 5

There a distinct, unexplainable difference between learning you had a spouse and learning you had a child; as if the child held a more of a sense of urgency. Most parents had an unspoken desire to be near their children; like a lion to his cubs. The male lions know their own cubs from other cubs, it was something that God embedded in their instincts; it wasn't learned. Despite the fact that Sara's mother lived in San Francisco, she decided that it was best she stay the weekend with her and not make the drive in a single weekend. Even though Gil was anxious to see his daughter, he let Sara take her time. He didn't like being alone in the empty house by himself; the silence was heavy and saddening, he found himself anxiously anticipating Sara's return. On the morning that she was supposed to arrive, Gil felt his stomach twist into knots and he paced the floor anxiously. Around lunchtime, they pulled into the driveway and Gil hobbled out to meet them.

"How was was your weekend?" Gil asked, attempting to lighten the mood between him and Sara.

Sara climbed out of the car and offered a shy smile. "It was fine," she said. "I had forgotten how much being around my mother can piss me off."

"Do you need any help?" Gil said, starting for the stairs.

"No," Sara replied quickly. "Stay up there. I don't want to have her knock you down and me not have a way to drag you back into the house."

Gil felt that she was exaggerating, but took a seat on the swing to satisfy her. She set her suitcase on the porch, along with a Kermit-the-Frog diaper bag, and opened the door to the backseat. Gil tried to crane his neck so he could catch a glimpse of Emily, but he couldn't. Sara set Emily down on her feet and reached back into the car for something.

"Here's Frank," Sara said, handing her a teddy bear. She smoothed the child's hair back and smiled. "Daddy wants to see you."

Gil took his time looking Emily over. She was a little less than two feet tall and delicate for a toddler. Her hair was dark brown and held back in a pony tail. She had his large, blue eyes that were framed by thick, black lashes; Gil could tell she was going to be beautiful when she got older. For that cold, December day, Sara dressed her in a thick, pink coat. She had mittens on her small hands and a pink hood that tied under her chin. Emily spotted Gil on the porch then trotted through the leaves to clamber up the stairs. She climbed slowly holding onto the railing, taking large uneasy steps. Frank didn't seem to be helping the situation any, so she set him down and finished her climb.

"Hi there," Gil said.

When she reached the porch, Emily flew to him. Gil leaned down to meet her and accept her little hug. Her small hands went around his neck; they felt small, but natural. When she pulled back, she muttered something that Gil couldn't understand and pointed at Sara. The innocent way she looked at Gil melted his heart. A child's love for a parent was innocent and couldn't be easily faked; they trusted their parents. The trust that looked out of Emily's eyes broke Gil's heart and he wanted to force a memory, any memory of her, to resurface. Awkwardly she tried to pull herself into his lap, but her small hands unknowingly gripped his bad leg and he winced. With his good arm, he lifted her up and set her beside him, but that wasn't enough for Emily. She tried to climb into his lap, but the pressure was too much on his ribs and he jumped involuntarily. Without warning his head throbbed and he rubbed his temples. Sara scooped her up quickly and Emily fought her.

"No…no…no…no!" Emily screamed, her legs kicking Sara.

"Oh yes," Sara said, carrying her into the house.

O~O

After a quick lunch of Cheerios and cheese cubes, Gil sat with Emily in the living room. She had been so mesmerized by his crutches and whenever he looked at her, she was banging them on the floor. Sara told Gil that he was going to have to stay on the couch all day and hid them in a closet. Gil spent his time asking Emily random questions and listening to her innocent answers.

"Who am I?" he asked, pointing himself.

Emily laughed at his game. "Daddy," she said, poking him in the nose with her little finger.

"What's your name?" he asked.

Emily pointed to herself. "Emwiee," she said.

"Who is that?" Gil asked, pointing towards Sara.

"Mommy!" Emily shouted, throwing her hands up in the air.

Sara stood up. "Okay," she said. "Mommy is done playing twenty questions."

Gil found that if he propped his leg up on an ottoman and placed pillows against his ribs, then Emily could sit comfortably without hurting him. Having her little body in his lap had an effect on him, a warming effect that he felt to the tips of his toes. He lifted the remote and clicked on the television.

"How about a little cartoons," he said, turning to Cartoon Network.

Emily watched Buggs Bunny run from Elmer Fudd for a while, but she shook her head vigorously and pointed. "King," she said.

Gil was confused. "What?" he asked.

Emily looked at her father helplessly. "King," she said to him.

Gil felt awful that he didn't understand her request, so he turned to Nickelodeon and watched SpongeBob Squarepants chase jelly fish with Patrick. Emily whined and pounded her fist on Gil's good leg.

"No, daddy," she said. "KING!"

Gil flipped through all the channels; he wished he knew what 'King' meant. Perhaps there was another children's show on, but he couldn't think of what it was. Mr. Rodgers had King Friday and there was a Burger King, but those were the only kings Gil could call to mind.

"KING!" Emily cried, sobbing into Gil's chest.

"Put it on Food Network," Sara said from the kitchen. "Channel fifty-three."

He changed the channel and saw a chef mixing eggs rapidly. Emily stopped sobbing and watched as the man added peppers and poured the mixture into a skillet.

"She said cooking," Sara explained. "She can watch it all day if you let her."

Gil looked at the television and then down at Emily. Her finger was in her mouth and she was looking intently at the screen.

"What is that?" Gil asked, pointing at the television.

"King," Emily answered.

O~O

Dinner with Emily proved to be entertaining. Sara made a delicious vegetable pasta with steamed asparagus and carrots. If the toddler didn't like something she put in her mouth, she dropped it to the floor.

"Gwoss," she said, dropping a piece of asparagus on the floor.

When dinner was finished there were four pieces of asparagus, a noodle, and a carrot on the floor. When Sara lifted Emily out of the chair, noodles fell to the ground and Hank hurried over to claim them.

"Do you think you can sit with her while I put her in the bath?" Sara asked.

Gil was annoyed. "Sara, I may be having trouble, but I'm not useless," he said.

Sara gave a nod and carried Emily to the bathroom. Gil grabbed his crutches and hobbled after her, regretting the way he spoke to her. The master bathroom was where she chose to bath Emily and it was by far the biggest. There were two sinks, one was obviously his and the other was Sara's. The bathtub was large and garden styled. There was a separate shower, and it was large and tiled. It was decorated in a beautiful tan with purple flowers, something that he wouldn't have chosen but would have approved of. Sara sat comfortably on the floor and undressed the little girl. Emily's eyes were already starting to get heavy and her blinks were slow. When Sara pulled her little shirt off, Gil noticed a faint, white scar on Emily's small diaphragm. It was the kind of scar you get from having a serious surgery, not from falling down during play.

"Did she have heart surgery?" Gil asked, motioning to the scar.

Sara hesitated. "Yes," she said. "She had open heart surgery when she was ten months old."

Gil nodded. "And I assume we have the best pediatrician," he said

Sara nodded. "He's pretty good," she said. "After all she's our special girl and she needs special care."

Sara turned on the tap and adjusted the temperature. She added a capful of lavender bubble bath and some toys. When everything was right, she sat Emily in the water and gave her a plastic cup.

"What do you mean by special?" Gil asked.

Sara thought for moment. "We had a difficult pregnancy," she explained. "I am HG positive and you are HG negative."

Gil understood. "So your body attacked the fetus like it was a virus," he said.

Sara nodded. "We had miscarriages before understood everything. I carried Emily for almost six months and then I delivered. She was kept in NICU for a while," Sara closed her eyes. "I can still see her in the incubator. She was so small."

Gil licked his lips. "She's healthy now, right?" he asked.

"No entirely," Sara answered. "She has asthma and heart problems. She sleeps hooked up to a monitor and it goes off if her heat beat stops or… if her breathing stops," Sara said.

Gil sat on the toilet and looked on at Emily. "How is her hearing?" he asked.

"Just fine," Sara said, standing. "Now, don't let her climb out or throw water on the floor."

After she left, Gil lowered himself to the floor and inched over to her. He wondered what kind of father would forget a delicate surgery. He slowly reached out with his hand and fingered the scar.

"Wader," Emily said, splashing.

"Yeah," he said. "Water."

O~O

Sara showed Gil how to hook up Emily's monitor and how to make her comfortable. The toddler's small body looked lost under her blankets, but soon she was sound asleep and Sara went into the living room to grade papers. After a while, Gil hobbled in and sat down beside her. He cleared his throat nervously and Sara looked up.

"I've been thinking," Gil said. "About hypnosis. Dr. Stogner said there was a chance that it may bring my memories back."

Sara set down her pen. "Dr. Stogner also said that it was a slim chance. Gil, you aren't having some kind of dissociative episode… you have brain damage. "

"But I want to take that chance," Gil said. "I have been having these feelings that I want explained."

Sara took off her glasses and leaned back into the couch. "I'm listening," she said.

"While you were gone this weekend," Gil said. "I hated being alone. I couldn't wait for you to come back. It's like that when I wake up in that bed alone, I feel like something is missing; I think it's you."

Sara brushed her hair out of her eyes. "It may be," she said.

Gil sighed. "Look I'm trying," he said. "I accept that we were married and I believe that I had feelings for you."

"That's the difference between us at the moment," Sara said, picking her pen back up. "You say you had feelings for me. I still have them for you."

"Let me tell you the real difference between us," Gil said, keeping his voice in check. "You can remember your feelings. I can't just pull them out of a hat. If I could give you all the answers I would, but it's impossible." There was a pause and Grissom said. "Do you want to try this or not?"

Sara thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yes," she said. "Let's do it."


	6. Chapter 6

Dr. Stogner referred Gil and Sara to Dr. Pridmore, a neurologist who specialized in brain trauma and was experimenting with memory recovery by hypnosis. As a favor to his colleague, Dr. Pridmore agreed to see the Grissom's during the weekend. Since his office was in Reno, they made plans to stay the weekend in a hotel and leave Emily with Sara's mother. Neither Gil nor Sara would have the time, patience, or energy to entertain her; not to mention the long car ride would be too exhausting for the toddler. On the morning of, Gil was nervous. Nausea churned in his stomach and butterflies fluttered continuously.

"I'm nervous, "he told Sara. "Does it show?"

Sara lovingly smoothed his shirt. The feel of her hands felt not exactly natural, but were welcomed nonetheless. "Don't be." She said. "I promise I won't make you dance around like a chicken in your underwear."

Gil laughed at her joke and looked down to notice that her hands were shaking. It hadn't occurred to him that she would be just as nervous as he was. Carefully he took her hands in his and smiled at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Sara shook her head. "Nothing," she said, she paused and did a bit of deep breathing. "I'm afraid this won't work and I'll lose everything."

Gil felt an overwhelming desire to comfort her and take her fears away; to tell her that everything was going to be alright. Though his old feelings for her hadn't resurfaced, he had started to see her in a different light.

"Everything is going to be fine," he said.

Sara straightened her blouse and smoothed her hair back, "Do I look alright?" she asked.

If there was one thing that Gil had forgotten totally, it was that women took their time in the bathroom. In all, Sara spent nearly an hour applying her makeup and doing her hair in every style known to man. Gil couldn't imagine what else she was doing in there, and frankly he didn't want to know. He was just satisfied that he got to take a bath.

"You look fine," Gil said and with a he chuckle he added. "Were you like this before?"

"No," Sara said. "Today is very important. I just want to look decent."

She opened the door to the waiting room and the stepped in. A receptionist looked up at them and nodded. Sara sat Gil on a couch and went to the window to fill out the necessary forms. He looked around the waiting room. It looked cozy enough with its leather furniture and displays of false flowers on every coffee table. For some reason unknown to him, Gil imagined that there would be a giant fish tank in the corner.

"Well," Sara said as she sat down next to him. "She isn't happy about being here on a Saturday."

Gil touched Sara's shoulder. "For some reason I thought there would be a fish tank in here," he said.

Sara's eyes lit up and she smiled. "Emily's pediatrician has a fish tank. It's filled with fish and she is always looking in it," she said. "Maybe you remember it."

She turned her attention to the clipboard, picked up the attached pen, and started filling out the information. Gil sifted through the magazines on the coffee table in front of them. Every magazine was scientific and they all featured articles on neurological discoveries and the latest procedures. He thumbed through one and found an article featuring a surgical procedure called craniotomy.

"Look at this," Gil said, showing Sara the article.

Sara read the introduction and snatched the magazine away from him. She smacked it back on the table and turned back to the insurance forms.

"No surgeries," she said. "You promised me that this family wouldn't go through any more surgeries. I'd rather have you like you are."

Gil held up his hands. "Okay," he said as he leaned back. "I just thought it was interesting. I'm sorry."

Sara gave him one last serious look and turned back to the forms. Worry wrinkles creased her forehead and Gil was sorry that he showed her the article. She had been so patient through everything; an ideal wife who seemed to match his personality. In his mind he had known her about five years, and in this time he wondered why he never noticed how smooth her skin looked. It was endearing the way she repeated every question softly to herself before penning the answer.

"Does the patient have any allergies?" she read in a soft voice. "None."

For a moment, Gil let his mind wander as he watched her concentrate. Slowly, his mind drifted to the first day he met her. Of course they both looked younger, but there was something about the way she looked at _this_ moment that pleased him. He reminded himself of the night he was brought home, or what he was now referring to as his home. Sara showed that she had the patience for him that only someone who loved him could have and when he looked into her eyes, loved looked back at him. At that moment, his desire to make love to her was strong. So strong in fact, that he almost reached out to touch her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Sara asked.

Gil didn't even realize that she had been looking at him. "I'm not," he defended. "Looking at you in any way."

Sara tried to hide her smile. "Gil, I've been with you for years," she said. "I know that look."

Gil turned away. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said.

Sara shook her head. "Whatever, Gil," she said as she stood. "Your body is probably craving sex."

Gil gaped at her. "Sara," he said. "A doctor's office isn't the place to discuss this."

Sara shook her head and laughed. "You tell me when we can discuss it," she said with a wink.

Gil didn't know whether to be appalled or turned on. His mind was still telling him 'employee stay away', but his surroundings told him 'hot wife, move in'. He did a bit of deep breathing and went over his options. He could either ignore this opportunity or hope that another one presented its self soon, or he could take advantage.

"_Gil, you need to think about this now_," he thought. "_She could be lying to you. You could actually still be single and this could all be a trick_."

"_Oh Jesus_," Gil's other half said. "_Do you think the kid is a liar? Or did you forget the way she was crawling all over you? Take advantage of your wife_."

Gil looked over at Sara and saw that she was slightly bent over, talking to the receptionist. The black skirt that she had chosen to wear that day flattered her figure.

"Dr. and Mrs. Grissom?" Dr. Pridmore asked as he opened the door to the back room.

Sara straitened up and extended her hand. "Dr. Pridmore," she said. "Thank you so much for seeing us."

"Not at all," Dr. Pridmore said. "I owe Dr. Stogner a favor."

They followed him through the door and into a room that looked comfortable enough to be a living room. It had a comfortable looking leather sofa, a matching love seat, and a side-board that offered coffee and muffins. Sara and Gil each accepted a cup and listened intently as Dr. Pridmore explained hypnosis.

"What I am going to do is put Gil in a deep stage of relaxation," Dr. Pridmore explained.. "We won't worry about uncovering memories today. All I want to do for now is poke around Gil's mind."

"Have you had success with memory recovery before?" Sara asked.

Dr. Pridmore nodded. "Some," he said. "But then again, Gil's hippocampus is damaged. There is an equal chance of this succeeding or failing. If it fails, don't get discouraged. Memories are sometimes 'loosened up' and come out over tine after hypnosis."

Sara nodded. "None of this can hurt him, right?" she asked.

"Oh no," Dr. Pridmore reassured her. "Gil will be just fine, I can assure you. He'll feel like he is in a dream."

"How long does it take?" Gil asked.

"Well," Dr. Pridmore said. "Falling into a trance may take moments. Today, our session will on last for a few hours. Now, if you'll step into the back room Mrs. Grissom, we can get started."

Sara stood slowly and gave Gil a reassuring smile. To her amazement, he smiled back and gave her hand an affectionate squeeze.

O~O

"Gil, I want you to lie back on the sofa and take your shoes off. Just, act as if you were at home and coming in after a long day," Dr. Pridmore said in a voice that was eerily soothing.

Gil did as he was told and closed his eyes. "I just want to warn you," he said. "I may fall asleep."

Dr. Pridmore chuckled. "Try not to," he said. "I want you to find a place in your mind where you are most happy. Do you see a place?"

The first place that Gil could think of was a lake. It wasn't Lake Tahoe or Lake Mead; it was a smaller, more public lake. The sun shone a bright, vibrant yellow and the sky was a rich, deep blue. The grass was such a green that it looked like it came from the garden section of a department store, butter cups were in bloom along the lake shore. There were geese and ducks of all colors and sizes waddling around, Emily was standing to the side, holding a piece of bread and letting a white goose nibble it.

"Can you tell me who is in your happy place?" Dr. Pridmore's voice said.

Gil looked around. He saw Emily, the birds, and then he saw Sara. She was setting food out on a picnic table, her brown hair was loose and blowing in the wind. He didn't question why she was in his happy place, having her there was a comfort.

"Emily is here," Gil said. "And Sara."

"That's good," Dr. Pridmore said. "Now you are feeling very relaxed; you feel relaxed from the tips of your toes to the ends of your fingertips. You can feel your muscles of your arms... just going limp."

Gil sat in the prickly grass by the lake and looked up at the clouds. The clouds looked like giant, white puffs of cotton against the blue sky. There was a brilliant, red kite fluttering in the wind, and for a moment he just watched it. The geese's honks sounded real and the sound of lapping lake water was relaxing.

"What is everyone doing?" Dr. Pridmore asked from somewhere up in the sky.

Gil leaned up and looked back at Sara and Emily. Emily was sitting down, busying herself with a patch of clovers; picking the little white trifolium. Sara was scooping out food for a little picnic and best of all, a plastic container of chocolate covered grasshoppers sat to the side.

"I think I see Sara setting out potato salad," Gil said. "I see some grasshoppers for dessert."

"Gil, can you tell me why you invited Sara?" Dr. Pridmore asked.

O~O

In the other room, Sara stood watching through the two-way mirror. In all honesty, she was worried that the session would hinder Gil's memory instead of help it. When Gil spoke of his happy place, Sara was a little surprised that she was included.

"Sara," Gil said. "She can be a little difficult sometimes, but I've always held her in a separate place."

Dr. Pridmore nodded. "What kind of a place? A romantic place?"

Gil was quiet for a moment. "Kind of," he said. "It was always a look-but-don't-touch kind of relationship."

Though Sara was pained by his words, she reminded herself that he was thinking the thoughts from eight years ago. That period in time had been the most stressful for them. Whatever relationship they had was strained by Gil's hesitation to respect her and her own failure to control her emotions. The man whom she loved deeply now was actually no different from the man eight years ago, they simply had just learned to understand and accept each other. In turn, that understanding turned to love.

"She's gone," Gil said out of nowhere. "Sara is gone."

Dr. Pridmore straightened up. "Where did she go?" he asked.

It took a moment for Gil to answer, but when he did his voice was sluggish. "To find the babies," he answered. "They left and she was very upset."

Sara felt a chill run the length of her backbone and tickle the tips of her toes. She didn't need Dr. Pridmore or Dr. Stogner to write out what he meant by 'babies'. He was remembering the miscarriages and the pain that she felt.

"Alright Gil," Dr. Pridmore said. "By the lake there is a path. You decide to follow it."

O~O

Gil took Emily by the hand and walked towards the winding path beside the lake. He wasn't worried that Sara would be lost, she knew the way. As he walked Emily disappeared too, but he wasn't concerned. As he continued forward, the weeds began to fall away and the sun began to dim.

"Follow the trail and you'll start to forget about the lake," Dr. Pridmore said. "Come back to the office."

The path in front of Gil became a tunnel and then… his eyes were open. Slowly he looked around the room. Everything was quiet and silence rang in his ears. He felt as if he had just woken up from a nap.

"Did we do it?" he asked.

Dr. Pridmore set his clipboard to the side. "Yes, we did," he said. "You have a very interesting mind. I won't tell you what I learned just yet."

The door to the office opened and Sara stepped back inside. Gil looked for a hint of emotion in her eyes, but she was hiding it very well.

"I need for him to get plenty of rest tonight," Dr. Pridmore said. "Tomorrow we will try and dig up the past."

* * *

**Please leave me a review****. This chapter took a few takes for me to write. I kept trashing it and starting from scratch. I want to bring you the best and I want to know if I achieved that. **


	7. Chapter 7

Sara felt like she was on a romantic date with Gil for the first time. After their session with Dr. Pridmore, Gil asked her to go out to dinner with him. They chose a nice Italian restaurant and they ordered their favorite bottle of wine; Pinot Blanc. Before they left for Reno, Sara had packed a lavender dress that flattered her figure and hugged her curves. It dipped low in the front, but left room for one's imagination. On her neck she wore the emerald butterfly that Gil had gotten her as a gift. She hadn't requested that he buy it, he simply brought it home in a velvet box and slipped it around her neck as she was grading papers. It was the small, simple memories that kept her going through this dark time. Gil was dressed in a suit that she had packed for him. It wasn't his best, but he was able to wear it with his cast. The tie that he wore was a deep blue that made his eyes stand out.

"So," Gil asked as he brought his glass of wine to his lips. "Did I say anything?"

Sara pursed her lips, smiled, and shook her head. "You know I am not supposed to tell," she said.

Gil chucked. "I tried," he said with a shrug.

Sara's hair was beautiful. It was layered and the tips curled in an upward angle, like they usually did. She said it was because she wore her hair up too often and Gil thought it made her look precious. Her lips weren't sultry red like most women, but a soft pink. They looked extremely kissable and Gil mentally sighed.

"You have that look again," Sara teased.

Gil looked innocent. "Sara you must be dreaming," he said. "I am looking at you normal."

Sara smiled. "Normal is the right word," she said. "You always tried to be subtle when you wanted intimacy. "

Gil took Sara's hand and admired it. It was small in his big hand and smooth."Tell me more," he said. "Tell me more about our life."

Sara fingered her napkin. "You're confusing me," she admitted. "You seem so interested now. When I brought you home you were closed off."

Gil agreed. "I was scared, Sara," he said. "I still am because I don't know how I am going to get things back on track. I am going to have to go back to work soon and it's going to be new to me, but I feel the need to support my family."

Since the day she had met him, confusing had been part of Gil's persona. Being married hadn't made a difference, but at least she knew he loved her. Hearing him asking about their life was one thing, but having him hold her hand and look at her with a mixture of lust and love was different.

"While Emily was in surgery," Sara said. "I was frantically nervous. We were with her when they gave her the anesthesia and waited while she fell asleep," she brushed a tear aside. "Waiting for that surgery to be over was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. Having you there with me was what kept me sane. You were the one who talked to the doctors and handled the paper work. I remember that I fell asleep and when I woke up, you told me the surgery was over and that our baby was fine. "

Though Gil couldn't remember Emily's surgery, he felt the anguish of waiting through Sara's words. He could easily imagine himself questioning doctors and pacing the floor. Emily had grown on him fast and he loved her fiercely already.

"I feel guilt for not being able to remember that," he said. "Tell me more about Emily; about your pregnancy."

Sara swallowed nervously. "It was a hard pregnancy and you were very protective," then she added with a laugh. "Almost borderline controlling."

Gil downed his glass and poured them both more wine. "I'm sure I was," he said. "If I could relive it, I would have made you more comfortable."

"I was comfortable," she said. "You made sure of it. The doctor told me that I was to stay in bed when I was only four months along. You made me dinner, you rubbed my back, you helped me in any way you could. They had to induce labor when her heartbeat slowed and she was born at five o'clock in the morning," she took a sip of wine. "She gained her weight fast and we brought her home a month later."

"You mentioned miscarriages," Gil said. "How many did we have?"

"We had one when we first got married, but I wasn't that far along. I thought it was stress," Sara said. "When I had my second miscarriage I was nearly three months along. It was really devastating for both of us. "

"I'm sorry," Gil said."I know those words don't do much."

Sara smiled through the painful memories. "The Gil I had married knew the pain," she said.

"I am the Gil you married," Gil said. "I'm still the same."

Sara shook her head. "No you're not," she said. "I know you are trying, but I feel like I have lost so much."

At that moment, Gil realized Sara's place. She was scared more than he was and had much more at stake than he did. He had to force himself to quit seeing Sara as what she was and to start seeing her as a mother and a wife.

"I will be," Gil told her. "I want to fix this and to live our life as it once was. How did our relationship start?"

Sara thought back. "It started when Ecklie broke up the team," she said. "You got me, Greg, and Sophia. Catherine got Nick and Warrick."

Gil held up his hand. "Greg was a CSI?" he asked in surprise.

Sara nodded. "Yes," she said. "I guess when you didn't have Catherine or the guys to talk to, you felt lonely. Our professional relationship was strained, but somehow we came to understand each other. We went out to breakfast a lot and then one day you offered to make breakfast for me."

Gil raised his eyebrows. "I hope it wasn't anything disgusting," he said.

Sara shook her head, the curled ends of her hair bounced easily and Gil wanted with all his might to reach out and touch her.

"I thought you were going to make cricket kesh or something," she said. "You made French toast with blueberry sauce. It was delicious."

"Is that when I made a move?" he asked.

Sara laughed. "I think that was your move," she said. "Ever since then we went places together. You first kissed me when we went to an amusement park in California. It was strange at first, but after a few kisses you proved to be a good kisser."

"I bet you're a good kisser too," Gil said without thinking.

Sara felt herself blushing and she laughed. "Have you been wondering lately?" she asked.

Gil felt put on the spot. "Well, a little," he admitted. "It's natural for a man to wonder these things about a woman that he is close to."

"Would you like to find out?" Sara asked, in a tone that was strange but stirred the heat that had been boiling in the pit of Gil's stomach.

He thought about this a moment. Here was his wife, a woman that had always been special to him, and she was offering him a kiss. The fact that he was afraid was an understatement; he was terrified that he would mess up.

Sara laughed at the expression he wore. "I'm just teasing," she said. "If you want a kiss you don't have to ask for it, Gil."

Gil felt a bit disappointed but didn't say it. "Tomorrow is a big day," he said. "Maybe we should get the check and go."

O~O

The hotel suite they were staying in was comfortable and spacious. It was his idea that they get a single bed, but he couldn't put his finger on why he had been so adamant about the idea. While Sara was in the shower, Gil let his mind wander. He wanted the life that Sara told him they had. It wasn't just a dream or a story, it was real. He opened the door to the balcony and stepped out. The air was cold and his mind began to clear. He saw that he had two options; to make love to Sara or to let things stay as they were. It was more than physical want; he wanted to thank her for being there by giving himself to her.

"Gil?" Sara called.

"I'm out here," he called back to her.

He heard her pad to the balcony. "Come inside," she said. "It's cold."

Gil nodded. "I'm coming," he said, turning to hobble inside.

"What were you doing out there?" she asked.

Gil took in Sara's appearance. Her hair was in a wet pony-tail and her skin was pink from the hot shower. She was wearing a small shirt that advertised Goldfish crackers and a pair of scrub pants. Her feet were bare and Gil couldn't help but stare at them.

"Are you looking at my feet?" Sara asked, giving him a confused look.

Gil looked up quickly. "Sorry," he said.

Sara laughed. "You don't have anything to be sorry about," she said. "You can look at anything you want to."

Gil hobbled over to the bed and sat down. "I've been thinking about taking you up on it," he said, turning back to look at her.

Sara was at a loss for words, but her eyes spoke volumes to Gil. They told him that she trusted him with her heart and her soul. He held out his hand to her and she took it without hesitation. It was funny how the hands of two people in love always fit together, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

"Why?" Sara wanted to know.

Gil shook his head. "I can't explain why," he said. "Ever since I woke up in the hospital I dreamed about you. I don't feel at ease unless I am around you."

Sara wiped her eyes with her free hand. "Why didn't you tell me all this before?" she asked.

"I don't know," Gil answered honestly. "I was afraid you would leave me alone."

Sara couldn't help but smile." Why would I leave you?" she asked "I love you."

Gil tugged on Sara's hand and she climbed onto the bed. Quickly their lips found each other and everything made sense to Gil. Sara was the answer to all of his problems and the only one who could make his confusion disappear. Her lips against his felt soft and welcoming; they were just a succulent as he imagined. Sara felt his beard with the side of her face and side.

"I have missed you so much," she said. "I was so scared, I thought I lost you."

Gil kissed her jaw softly and buried his nose in the crock of her neck. She still smelled of soap and her skin was warm. He felt so at home with his body next to hers that he didn't care to get his memories back. He was content just holding her now and knowing that things were going to get better. Sara gently pushed him back against the pillows and straddled him. Neither one of them couldn't help but laugh. Whether it was out of nervousness or whether they thought it was funny, Gil did not know. Through her shirt, Gil could see the outlines of Sara's nipples straining. His hands ached to touch them, so he did. With his thumb and his index finger, he pinched them softly. Sara sighed with pleasure when she felt his hands group her chest. They were acting like animals, but it was deliciously pleasurable.

Gil pulled Sara down to him and pressed Kisses into her wet hair. "You smell good," he commented. "You feel good too."

Sara slipped her hands underneath Gil's shirt and relished the feel of his chest. When the hospital had informed her that Gil had been in accident, she was terrified that she would never be able to touch him again. She fingered the buttons on his shirt and slipped them, one at a time, through the buttonholes.

"I love you Sara," Gil whispered to her. "I'm not just saying it, I have always loved you. I'm sorry I was so stubborn."

Sara finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. "I knew you didn't mean it," she said. "My real Gil is still locked away somewhere."

Though her words hurt him a little, Gil ignored them. If he had been in her place, he would have had the same feelings she had. His place in Sara's life was now clear; he was her supporter. Tenderly he trailed kisses down her jaw-line and across her throat. He took a moment to nibble the sensitive flesh there, but before he could move on a bolt of pain ripped through his head. He felt as if someone were dragging a broken piece of glass slowly across his left temple.

"Gil," Sara said. "Are you alright?"

Gil couldn't answer her. Instead he gripped his head and fell back against the pillows. Sara jumped off the bed and was unzipping pockets, rooting around for something.

"Here," she said, popping two pills into his mouth and giving him a sip of water. "Drink it all."

Gil gulped the water down and leaned back into the pillows. His head was throbbing and waves of pain washed over his body. "I'm sorry," he said to Sara.

Sara shook her head. "It's alright," she said. "Just rest."

O~O

Gil looked around and took in the sight around him. He was at a beautiful, pristine lake. He looked over his shoulder and saw Sara setting out plates and dishing out food. Emily was standing next to him, pointing out at the geese that were floating by.

"Duckies!" she said with joy.

Gil smiled down at her and sat on the grass. The earth underneath him didn't feel real to him and it was warm under his touch. The sky was such a brilliant shade of blue that the white clouds look cartoonish. There was no wind, but somehow a kite was still able to flutter overhead.

"Come eat," Sara called out.

For lunch there were grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. They all dipped their sandwiches into their hot soup and ate heartily. There were grasshoppers for desert, but Sara didn't want any. Suddenly, the sky turned very dark and the wind blew fiercely. Cold crept down Gil's collar and he shivered.

"We should go now," Sara said, slipping Emily's coat on and taking her hand.

"Wait a minute," Gil said. "I think there is someone else here."

Carefully he got up and hurried over to the bushes. He felt something unwanted, but he couldn't remember what it was. He pushed the bushes aside and there he saw a girl. She had long black hair and she was crying.

"What's wrong?" Gil asked.

The girl looked up and fixed her eyes on him. "I told you that I would make you sorry," she said to him.

"Gil," Sara called. "Are you awake?"

Gil couldn't answer. "What do you mean?" he asked.

The girl smiled at him, an evil smile that made Gil walk backwards and turn towards Sara. There was something unsettling in his life, now that this girl had shown up.

"Gil," Sara called again. "Are you awake?"

Gil pushed the bushes aside and looked where Sara had been standing, but she was gone. Instead he saw the girl with black hair sitting at the picnic table. The wind was still blowing and over head lightning bolts looked like angry fingers that reached for him. Gil felt a hand pat his cheek and then his eyes were open. Sara was standing over him and he was back in the hotel suite. Memories of the previous night flooded back.

"Gil," Sara said to him. "Are you awake?"

* * *

Hello all! I am so sorry. Please keep my friend Ruth in your prayers and my friend Deborah and their families. They have both suffered terrible losses. Please leave a review, you do NOT have to be signed in. I missed writing. Waves to Jenstog!


	8. Chapter 8

I want to thank all my readers for their reviews and for the ones who DON'T, I know you are waiting until the end so it is OK. This may be really weird, but it is the only way I could think of. Yes, there is a big thing coming up. No, Lady Heather is not involved. That is all I will share because I don't want to give the story away. Please please review. – Katy (When I'm weird I am VERY weird. When I am funny I am VERY funny. When I am sad I am very very sad. My imagination is too active)

~O~

Sara could tell there was something on Gil's mind, but she didn't know what it was. At first she was afraid that being physical with him had done something, but he gave her a kiss and reassured her that everything was fine.

"We don't have to go through with this if you don't want to," Sara said as she straightened Gil's tie. "We can go back home."

Gil shook his head. "I want to be able to have memories of my family," then he added. "Not to mention Dr. Pridmore is doing this as a favor to Dr. Stogner. "

Sara grabbed her purse. "I know," she said. "I'm just afraid it won't work."

Gil shrugged. "Let's put that aside," he suggested. "So what if it doesn't work. I believe that I love you and I believe that I love Emily. I want my old memories, but we can make new ones."

Sara laid her hand on his cheek and smiled. "Now you sound like my Gil," she said.

O~O

"Did you sleep well?" Dr. Pridmore asked.

They were back in Dr. Pridmore's familiar office, sipping on coffee. Sara had accepted a muffin, but it sat uneaten on the coffee table. She wasn't only nervous that the procedure could worsen Gil's condition, she was afraid that unwanted memories would resurface. She hadn't told Dr. Pridmore about Gil's mood a month before the accident and she didn't want to. Those negative thoughts and feelings that he had during that time was something she didn't need in her life.

"Well," Gil started. "I slept alright, but I had a terrible headache. I have had migraines in the past, but this was off the charts."

Dr. Pridmore nodded. "What were you doing before the headache occurred?"

Gil looked over at Sara and she gave him a nod. "We were trying to be intimate with each other," he said. "I have very strong feelings for her and I wanted to express myself to her."

Dr. Pridmore nodded. "The fact that you are having these feelings is a big step," he said. "It means that Sara is an instinct now. Have you had these headaches before?"

Sara shook her head, but Gil nodded. "I had them when Sara first brought Emily home," he said. "She tried to climb up into my lap and I had this powerful headache. It wasn't as bad as last night."

Dr. Pridmore nodded. "It could be a number of things," he explained. "It could be your memories, or it could be a symptom of something else. "

Sara gave Dr. Pridmore a worried look. "Could it be a tumor?" she asked.

"It could be," Dr. Pridmore said. "But we didn't see anything on the CT scan. I don't believe that's what it is," he paused and picked up his clip board. "Are we ready to get started?"

O~O

"This session is going to be a little different," Dr. Pridmore said. "I am going to turn out all the lights and ask you to lay back and try to sleep. Don't fall over the brink, just listen to my voice."

Gil laid his head back against the leather arm rest and closed his eyes. Though Sara wasn't in the room, he could feel her eyes through the two-way mirror. He felt the touch of sleep wash over him, but he did not fall into the dark precipice. Instead he listened to the clock.

"This time I am going to pick your happy place for you," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. "It is a room filled with filing cabinets."

In his imagination, Gil pictured himself standing in the evidence room of CSI headquarters. The building was empty and the lights were low. On the table in front of him were files and boxes.

"Can you see yourself in this place?" Dr. Pridmore asked. "Describe it to me."

Gil described the floor and the walls that were painted a dull gray. He described the ladder that was used for retrieving evidence off of the top shelf, as well as the fold-out table in the middle of the room. The boxes that lined the silver, metal shelves were all sealed with red tape.

"Gil," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. "I want you to look up on the very top shelf. There you will see a boxed marked 'Memories'. Pull it down and set it on the table."

Gil pulled the ladder over to the desired self and climbed towards the top to retrieve the desired box. When he reached it, he noticed it was dusty. He blew the dust off and lifted it in his arms.

"It's heavy," he said aloud.

"I know," Dr. Pridmore said. "Now be careful as you climb down. Make sure the table is cleared of everything before you set the memories on it."

The fold-out table was cluttered with folders and bags of evidence. Gil picked them up, one-by-one, and returned them to their appropriate boxes. He returned the boxes to the shelves, but one wouldn't budge.

"I can't move this one," Gil said aloud.

"Try," Dr. Pridmore's voice said.

Gil set his jaw and tugged on the box with all his might. He was by far the heaviest box of evidence he had ever seen in his life. He put both his hands on one side of it and tried to push it off and onto the floor. It was no use, it held fast as if it were glued on.

"It's stuck," Gil said.

Dr. Pridmore racked his brain. It had been his plan to have Gil's mind clear when opened his memories, but the presence of this mysterious something was challenging.

"Open it," Dr. Pridmore said. "Take out the contents, but don't look at them."

Gil tugged the lid off and closed his eyes. He reached in and felt around the box. What he felt made him shiver and he quickly withdrew his hand.

"I can't," he said.

"Look at it," Dr. Pridmore said. "Tell me what is in it."

Gil forced his eyes open and looked into the box. A pair of eyes looked back at him and he felt a chill creep down his spine. He recognized the girl in the box, but how she had contorted herself to fit inside an evidence container, Gil did not know.

"There is a girl in here," he said.

"Do you know her?" Dr. Pridmore asked.

Gil shook his head. "No," he said. "But I recognize her. I ... I hate her."

Gil looked at the girl in the box and wondered what he should do. He needed to get everything off the table before opening the box of memories.

"Excuse me," he said to her. "I need you to leave."

The girl in the box shook her head. "I love it here in your mind," she said. "I can do whatever I want to. "

Gil sighed and set the box of memories on the table. "I am going to open it anyway," he said aloud.

"Gil," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. "It's very important that we have everything off the table before opening the box."

Gil turned to the girl in the box. "I want you to go," he said, tipping her box over. "Get the fuck out of my head!"

The girl laughed a laugh that echoed through every room and that seemed to come at him from all angles. Every light in the lab turned on and Gil felt himself panicking. Footsteps could be heard coming down the hall, loud, angry footsteps that terrified him. He took hold of the lid on the box of memories and opened them. Dust flew up when he yanked the lid off and he cautiously peered into it.

"It's empty," he said regretfully.

The lights in the evidence room began to flicker and the girl's laughter still rang in his head. "I'm your problem, Gil," the woman said.

Gil covered his ears and sat down on the cold, tiled floor. "Get out my head… get out of my head… get out of my head… get out of my head," he said. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

He stood up angrily, but then everything was quiet. The girl was gone and the box of memories sat on the table, still closed and untouched. He gripped the lid and slowly pulled it off, letting it drop to the floor. Inside sat a picture, but not just any picture; an ultrasound picture.

"All I see in the box is an ultrasound picture," he said.

"Look deeper into the box," Dr. Pridmore suggested.

Gil set the picture aside and looked deeper. The mouth of the box was black and he had to reach his hand in. With the tips of his fingers, he touched something. When he pulled it out, he saw that it was a teddy bear. He set the bear aside and turned the box upside down. Out fell toys, and jewelry, and pictures.

"There is a lot of stuff," Gil said, eying the contents on the table.

"You'll notice that everything on the table is tagged," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. "Read the tags and tell me what they say."

Gil picked up the teddy bear. "The teddy bear's named is Frank. I bought this for Emily when she was in surgery," Gil said, setting the bear to the side.

Next he picked up a silver necklace with a small, blue heart on it. The pendant was a blue diamond. "I gave this necklace to Sara on Valentine's day. I wanted to get a red one, but the jeweler didn't make them in red," he said as he read the tag.

Gil picked up every item and read their tags. Most of them were toy's he gave Emily and some were photos that had been taken. His favorite item was a baby blanket. He held it to his nose and breathed in the smell of baby lotion and milk. The memory was so welcomed in his mind that he cried.

"These memories feel good," Gil said.

"Now Gil," Dr. Pridmore said. "I want you to pick up your memories and leave the room. Carry it out; don't put it back in the box."

Gil folded the baby blanket and neatly stacked everything up so that he could carry it. He balanced everything carefully and turned to leave. A whispering behind him caught his attention and he turned to set the girl in the box inching towards him. It was a terrifying sight to see and Gil almost dropped his memories.

"Don't forget me, Gil," she said. "You'll regret it."

"Gil, I want you to walk out of the lab and into the parking lot. Don't drop your memories, keep them close to you," Dr. Pridmore's voice said.

Gil ignored the girl and walked out towards the lot. It was strange to see the lab so empty and quiet. His footsteps echoed on the walls and he heard a peculiar noise that made him look back. There he saw the girl, her black hair hanging loose in front of her eyes. Her body was half-out of the box and she was pulling herself with her hands along the ground. Her eyes were trained on Gil and he turned and hurried towards the lot, anxious to get away from the girl.

"Gil!" she screamed in a voice so shrill he wanted to cover his hears.

Though her frightening cries were painful, Gil still ran towards the lot with his arms around his memories. The exit up ahead seemed so far away and every step he took seemed to only distance himself more. The sound of the dragging box told Gil that the girl was still back there, and that she was determined to take his memories away.

"Walk out the exit," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. "And you'll come to the lake. It is quiet there and you can see Sara and Emily sitting by the lake. Take your memories over to them and together you will all walk along the path and come back."

Though Gil could hear Dr. Pridmore plainly, he couldn't see what he was told to see. When he opened the exit he saw the dessert. The night was very dark and rain fell heavily. Out in the distance, he saw the outline of an overturned car.

"I'm not at the lake," Gil said. "I see a car and something moving underneath it."

Though his memories were getting wet, Gil plopped in the mud towards the car. In the mud was a hand; a familiar hand that grouped in the mud for something. A voice could be heard from underneath the car, gasping for air and straining to get free. Gil hurried over to help, but didn't know how he could help the person without dropping his memories. Behind him, something sloshed in the mud. Gil turned and saw the dark haired girl, her body still half-in the box. She was digging her fingers into the mud and pulling herself up towards him.

"Gil, hold onto your memories," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. "You can't lose them. I want to close your eyes and count to ten."

Gil closed his eyes. "One," the sound of the dragging box was closer and the voice under the car was recognizable. "Two"

"Gil," said both the voice under the car and the long haired girl.

"Three," Gil said, holding onto his memories tightly.

"I've got a pain in my sawdust," the voice from under the car said." That's what's the matter with me."

"Four!" Gil shouted.

"Something is wrong with my little inside," the long haired girl said. "I'm just as sick as can be."

"Five," Gil said, looking up into the rain.

The poem was not unfamiliar to Gil, but why it was being said was unknown. Did he sing it for Emily or was it on one of her favorite programs. The tone that it was being said in was eerie and unsettling.

"Six," Gil said.

"Oh, sad was the day for the little bisque doll," the voice under the car said. " For they cut all her stitches away and found the seat of the terrible ache."

Just then, Gil recognized the hand and the voice. He dropped his load and saw his memories fall from his arms as if in slow motion. Everything spilled onto the dessert floor and was lost in the rushing water. He got to his knees and took the hand in his own.

"Sara," he said. "I'm here. I'm sorry I left you alone."

Gil felt something grab his leg and he looked back into the pale face of the long haired girl. "Everyone hurry as fast as you can," she said to him. "I've got a pain in my sawdust"

Gil l shook his foot, but the girl held fast. Under the car, Sara shouted for help, but he didn't know what to do.

"Gil you'll forget everything that happened," Dr. Pridmore's voice said. 'Wake up."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello ALL. It is me… the prodigal writer! HA HA HA ! I am back from vacation and back to what I do best… telling stories. I want you to ask me a question in your review (about this story) and the question that is asked the most will be answered in the next chapter. I hope I don't piss you guys off too much with my abundant unfinished stories, but on my new year's to-do list… finishing my works is number 2. I have MORE stories planned for 2010 and I hope that each and EVERY one of you a blessed (BELATED) New Year and Happy January. I want to ask (gets on knees) that you PLEASE tell me what you think of this story, as well as your hopes and dreams for it.**

O~O

When Gil was brought out of his hypnotic state, the first thing he noticed was that his heart was racing and that he was soaked with sweat. Slowly he sat up and looked around. Dr. Pridmore was looking at him, a worried expression on his face.

"What happened?" Gil asked.

Dr. Pridmore didn't know. "I am not sure," he said. "It's obvious that hypnosis can help you, but you have something blocking you from remembering; some situation that your mind doesn't want you to remember."

The door to the office opened and Sara hurried over to sit beside him. She put her gentle hands on his face and looked into his eyes. Her brown eyes were large and afraid, but Gil couldn't remember why.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her voice desperate.

Sara turned to Dr. Pridmore. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I want to do this anymore," she said.

Dr. Pridmore held up his hand. "No apologies necessary," he said, writing something on his clipboard. "I think Gil has a very deep mind, but to go any further may not be wise."

Sara nodded. "What exactly happened to him?" she asked.

Dr. Pridmore scratched his nose. "It's hard to say," he said." Gil's mind seems to be in a different place. Part of him doesn't want to remember."

Sara was confused. "He doesn't want to remember his life?" she asked.

"I do though," Gil insisted. "I want to have memories of my family. Saying that I don't want to is insane."

"You are misunderstanding my point," Dr. Pridmore said. "Is there anything that occurred before the accident?"

Both men looked at Sara and she sighed. "I don't know what it was," she said. "Gil was angry all the time. The day of the accident we had a fight and you left. I waited up for you, but I had figured you were staying overnight at a hotel."

"What did you fight about?" Dr. Pridmore asked her.

"He was angry," Sara said. "He had been angry for weeks. Emily was coloring on the wall and Gil just… lost his temper."

Gil felt guilty. "Did I hurt her?" he asked.

Sara shook her head. "No," she said. "You just scared her… and you scared me."

Gil was at a loss. "I'm not the kind of person who would take things out on my family," he said. "I know myself better than that."

Dr. Pidmore took off his glasses and looked at Sara. "Gil mentioned an overturned car," he said. "I think that may be the accident."

Sara shook her head in disagreement. "It was something else that happened to us," she explained.

Gil felt useless. He was sitting with two people that were discussing his mind; the very thing that a person should be able to control for their own selves. He felt jealous of Sara at that moment; jealous of her memories and explanations.

"Then what is it?" Gil asked firmly.

Sara looked over at him. "I think its best we don't talk about it," she said.

"Fuck that," Gil said. "I want to know what happened in my life. I want to know what happened to us."

Sara hesitated. "You don't understand, Gil," she said. "It was so hard."

Gil rubbed his aching forehead and felt anger rising. "Don't tell me I don't understand," he said softly, but firmly.

He stood slowly, grabbed his crutches, and hobbled into the waiting room. Sara looked down at her shoes and Dr. Pridmore started talking. Gil's words weighed heavy on her heart and she knew he was right.

O~O

The ride back to the hotel was quiet. Gil didn't say anything about the hypnosis, nor did he ask any questions. He simply stared out the window. Sara asked him if he was hungry and suggested they stop and eat.

"I just want to go home," Gil said solemnly

An idea struck Sara and she smiled. "How about we go to Vegas," she suggested. "See some old friends."

Gil shook his head. "It's a long drive," he said. "We need to get back to Emily."

Sara smiled at him. "Don't worry," she said. "My mom won't have a problem with keeping her. I know you would like to see Catherine and Nick. Jim is still there."

Gil wanted to say 'No', but he knew Sara was right. Seeing familiar faces would be nice. He turned to Sara and returned her smile.

"Yes," he said. "Let's go."

O~O

Driving to Vegas from Reno was out of the question. Neither Gil nor Sara wanted to be stuck in a car for eight hours. Flying was the best choice, and it would be more comfortable for the both of them. Sara slept on the plane, but Gil found himself afraid to go to sleep. He had forgotten to grab a magazine before the flight, so he occupied himself by looking around the cabin. To his right sat a business man with his laptop, a woman with a baby, and a man who had fallen asleep. The woman with the baby had dark brown hair like Sara and in her lap, she bounced her baby lovingly. Gil felt his mind wander to false memories of Sara holding a baby. In his heart, he felt pride. He looked over at Sara and gazed at the freckles that were dusted over her cheeks.

"_A lot of people live with Amnesia_," he told himself. "_I can make this work_."

Sara stirred and her eyes fluttered open. She looked at Gil and smiled. "I see your brain working," she said.

"I was just thinking about life," he said. "I was thinking that I can make this work."

Sara stretched and nodded. "I know you can," she said and then she added. "I know _we_ can."

Gil reached over and smoothed Sara's hair back. "It will be hard for a little while," he said. "Just forget about the bad things. I don't remember them and I don't want you to."

"I don't want to remember them," she said. "But some of the bad things helped us grow. They were important."

Gil didn't have the strength to explain what he meant. "I know," he said.

O~O

After their plane landed, Sara and Gil rented a car and drove to the crime lab. It was interesting to see how things had either changed or stayed the same. He recognized places that he would eat and pointed out 'Frank's', the old diner that the team would have breakfast at.

"There is where we had our first 'date'," Sara said, pointing to a rundown looking restaurant.

Gil wrinkled his forehead. "Why on earth would I take you there?" he asked.

Sara shrugged. "It was a spur-of-the-moment thing," she said. "They have good soup."

Gil chuckled. "It feels weird being here," he said. "I remember it, but it looks different."

Sara turned in the parking lot of CSI headquarters and turned off the engine. For a moment they both sat there, starring at the building. Gil remembered the countless shifts he had worked in that building. Even though there were some that he did not remember, he was glad that he was back.

"Ready?" Sara said, opening the door and stepping out into the crisp air.

Gil nodded and together they walked into the building. Sara had forgotten that everything looked different to him; he probably didn't remember the explosion.

"What happened in here?" he asked.

Sara took his hand and led him further into the building. "There was an accident," she explained. "We had to rebuild a lot of the labs."

"Oh," Gil said.

Sara walked up to the doorway of the break room and knocked. "Hello?" she called sweetly.

A few people sat at the table that Gil didn't recognize, but he zoomed in on Archie. He remembered Archie.

"Grissom!!" Everyone said simultaneously.

Gil shook everyone's hand politely, but didn't know what to say. He looked at a grey-haired lab tech and recognized him.

"We had just hired you," Gil said. "Last I remember."

"It's probably best that you don't remember Hodges," Sara said.

"Very funny," Hodges said. "You should take your act on the road."

"Wow," said an exotic looking, black haired lab tech. "He really doesn't remember."

Gil looked at her and smiled. "You're Wendy," he said.

Sara's eyes grew wide. "How did you know that?" she asked.

"It's on her name tag," Gil answered.

O~O

"We all still miss him," Catherine said. "I try to remember that he wouldn't want us to hurt."

Before their shift started, Gil and the old team were sitting at 'Frank's'. It was Sara's idea that they eat where Gil was most familiar. Everyone whom Gil remembered came to eat with him and help fill in whatever gaps they could. Sara was worried that relearning the news of Warrick's death would be too much, but Gil handled it skillfully.

"I kind of didn't expect to see him," Gil answered honestly. "I think I already knew."

Nick agreed. "Sometimes our hearts know things that our brains don't," he said.

Greg chuckled. "Dude that was deep," he said.

Nick pointed at him. "Shut up," he said.

Gil couldn't help but laugh. "It's so good to be here," he said. "There is one thing I want to know that Sara won't tell me. What happened in the desert?"

Everybody grew quiet and Greg piped up. "I think he means the mini's," he said.

Sara shook her head. "I don't want this now," she said.

"It was a case," Catherine said. "A woman named Natalie Davis killed and constructed half-inch scale models of the crime scenes. They were eerily precise," she said. "A man confessed to the crimes, but he was covering for Natalie because she was his foster daughter."

"I need to step out," Sara said, standing quickly.

Gil reached for her. "Wait," he said.

Sara shook her head. "You can listen, but I can't," she said.

Gil turned back to the group. "Go on," he said.

Catherine continued. "The man who confessed was named Ernie Dell. He emailed you his confession and who saw him blow his brains out. After that, we thought we had the case gift wrapped for us. You went on sabbatical and we went on with life. When you came back you had an anonymous package from the miniature killer, also known as Natalie Davis ," Catherine paused. "It was personal for Natalie because she blamed you for Ernie Dell's death. She went after Sara and ambushed her."

Gil understood now. "What happened to her?"

"She was left for dead," Nick explained. "Natalie trapped her under a car in the middle of nowhere. I can only imagine the fear and claustrophobia. She broke her own arm trying to get lose, but when she did… all she could do was wander. Her adrenaline was rushing and her only instinct was to try to make it back to Vegas. She didn't know she was in Devil's Canyon."

Gil held up his hand. "I don't want to hear anymore," he said.

Catherine nodded. "But she made it," she explained. "That's when you made your relationship with her public. I think you both realized that life doesn't last forever. When you held Warrick as he was dying, that's when I think you really gave up your job. It's just too much sometime's; People need to live."

"I need to go to her," Gil said. "I'll be back."

Outside it was cold and Sara was sitting on the curb. As Catherine was telling her story, Gil could see Sara alone and afraid. It was something that he didn't want to see again. Clumsily he sat down beside her and pulled her into him.

"I'm sorry," he said, pressing a kiss into her hair.

Sara sniffled. "It alright," she whispered. "I know you wanted to know what happened."

"We made it," Gil said to her. "We made it through everything. We can make it through this, no problem."

"I want to tell you what happened after that," Sara said.

Gil nodded. "If you want to," he said.

Sara forged ahead. "I was so lost after that," she said. "I pretended to be alright, but I wasn't. I left everything soon after and I didn't look back. I know I had hurt you because you tried to convince me to come home."

Gil kissed her head. "It's alright," he said. "I know I wouldn't have held it over your head."

"I'm sorry I did that to you," Sara said. "I was so confused and I didn't think you would understand. You left your career for me. I have never done anything like that for you."

Gil shook his head. "That's not true," he said. "You gave me Emily."

Sara whipped her eyes and smiled. "Yeah," she said. "You gave her to me too."


	10. Chapter 10

Gil felt that it took an eternity to make it back to San Francisco so that he could hold Emily in his arms. The child seemed just as anxious as he was, because she was squirming to get out her grandmother's embrace. Sara's mother was a stern looking woman. She held Emily tightly and glared at Gil like he had done something to offend her.

"Quit looking like that," Sara snapped at her, picking up Emily's bag and taking the toddler.

"I don't believe his story," Sara's mother said, motioning to Gil. "All men are scum and he's just playing you."

Sara sighed. "Mom," she said. "I really don't want to discuss this now."

Ms. Sidle looked irritated. "When you call me crying that he gave you a black eye," she said."You'll want to talk then."

"That's enough!" Sara said firmly. "You know Gil has never hurt me."

Sara's mom pulled her closely and whispered into her ear. Though she was trying to be quiet, she wasn't doing a good job. Seeing Sara's mother shed serious light on Sara's behavior. Though he had probably known about her past before the accident, he needed to relearn it now.

"Just come in," Sara's mother whispered harshly. "We'll light some candles and clear our minds. I just want to bring peace."

Sara pulled back gently. "I need to get Emily home," she explained. "Besides, I really don't feel like having my hair knotted up in your beaded doors."

Emily sneezed and Sara looked down at her quickly. "Mother," she said. "You hadn't been lighting you incense around her have you."

"I always make sure she isn't around," Ms. Sidle insisted. "What kind of grandmother do you think I am?"

Sara brushed it aside. "I'll call," she said. "Thank you for keeping Emily."

O~O

By the time they pulled the car into the driveway, Emily was rubbing her eyes. Gil pulled himself out of the car, hobbled up the stairs, and keyed into the house. He wanted to help Sara, but he figured it was best that he didn't get in the way. When he was better he would be able to do more to help her. He sat on the couch, propped the pillows up against him, and waited on Sara to bring Emily inside.

"She's sleeping," Sara stated as she laid Emily in Gil's arms. "It's been a long weekend for her."

Gil agreed. "I know," he said. "I am so glad to have her in my arms again."

Sara smoothed back Emily's hair and smiled. "I know," she said and then she grew serious and fixed her brown eyes on Gil's blue ones. "I was wondering when I would get a turn."

Gil felt a smile pull at the corners of his mouth. "I think I can't make time later," he said.

Sara returned his loving smile. "Good," she said, giving him a small, tender kiss.

Sara stood and made herself busy by re-washing all of Emily's clothes. Sara knew her mother, and she knew that all Emily's clothes would smell like oils and incense. As she dumped all her clothes, one by one, into the big washing machine, she felt Gil watching her. It was so good to be wanted by him again, even if he didn't have his memories back. Dr. Pridmore had said that there was a strong possibility that Gil would never get his memories back, but Sara had concluded that she was thankful that he was healing and that soon normality would come again.

O~O

While Sara was dressing Emily for bed, Gil opened a bottle of pain medicine and popped two into his mouth. A severe headache had crimped his style once before, this time he would outsmart the pain. From the toddler's room, Gil could here Sara singing a sweet lullaby to Emily. It was the first time that he remembered hearing her sing; it made him feel warm.

"Good night sweet princess," Sara said.

Gil hobbled out of the bathroom and over to Emily's bed. "Goodnight Ladybug," he said, giving her a kiss.

Emily muttered something that sounded like 'goodnight' and put her arm around Frank. Gil put his hand on Sara's lower back and she gave him a smile over her shoulder.

"Dr. Grissom," she said. "Are you trying to get me in the mood?"

Gil grinned. "Is it working?" he asked.

Sara pulled away and headed for the bedroom. "Come find out," she said over her shoulder.

Gil hobbled after her and made a mental note to lose the crutches; they were hurting his libido. Once inside the bedroom, Gil closed the door softly and gazed at Sara. She was standing inches away from him and for once in his life; he knew he could touch her. He reached with a tentative and caressed her neck, sliding his hand up the back of her head. Her hair was threaded through his fingers and it felt like silk. Sara sighed and closed her eyes.

"Gil," Sara started. "I… I love you."

Gil kissed her eye lids. "I know you do," he said. "I see it every time you look at me. I love you too."

Even though Sara was calm and collected, he wasn't. He felt as if he were about to make love to her for the first time. Sara saw his hesitation and stepped back. With her nimble fingers she slipped each button of her blouse through the button-holes.

"My body is yours," she said to him. "It's always belonged to you."

When she was finished, she let the blouse slip down herms and pool on the floor. Gil took a moment to admire the freckles that dusted her chest. They disappeared at under her bra and Gil felt the motivation to follow the trail. Sara stepped back up to him and put her arms around his neck. Gil lowered his head to the crock of her neck and nibbled at her soft skin.

"I don't think I have ever tasted anything so wonderful," he said into her skin.

Sara smiled and pressed her lips into his hair. "That's what you said to me when we first made love," she said.

"It's true," Gil insisted.

Sara stepped back and tugged on Gil's hand. He followed her over to the bed and watched with hunger as she climbed up towards the head of the bed. Gil was quick to let the crutches hit the ground as he tugged his shirt over his head. Sara reached behind her and unhooked her bra. She arched back, letting Gil get an eyeful of her torso.

"You tease," Gil joked.

Sara moved her finger in a 'Come here' motion and Gil climbed awkwardly over to her. His mouth found her breast fast and he suckled greedily. Their bodies moved together smoothly and perfectly. So perfectly in fact, that Gil knew that she belonged to him and that he belonged to her. He kissed every inch of skin that he could find. He felt and smelled Sara all around him.

"_This is it_," Gil thought. "_This is my life and I'm not letting it go." _

When he slid himself into her, he felt connected o her in only a way that a husband could feel about his wife. As they moved together, Gil muttered endearments into Sara's ear; telling that she was his queen. When they came together, Gil knew that he would be with her to the very end.

O~O

Gil awoke to an annoying ringing and he slapped at the alarm clock. He opened his eyes and noticed that it was still dark. Sara was sleeping beside him, her arm over her head. Gil shook his head and looked around the room. He leaned over and grouped the floor for anything that conceal his nudity so that he could get up. Finally he found his boxers , pulled them on, and struggled to stand. As his confusion cleared he realized what the sound was.

"Oh no!" he said, jumping to his feet.

Forgetting about his crutches he limped into Emily's room. The ringing was louder in there and Gil knew that it was the monitor. Emily had stopped breathing.

"Emily," Gil said, limping over to the bed. "Wake up."

He shook the little girl, but no response came. Gil opened a drawer to his left and pulled out a mask. He unhooked the monitor and the ringing stopped.

"Sara!" he yelled, placing Emily's small body on the floor.

Gil put his ear to her mouth and listened. He checked her pulse and then breathed deeply into her mouth. A heartbreaking sickness washed over Gil as he tried to breathe life into his daughter. He put his hand on her small diaphragm and pressed down, not hard enough to hurt her, but hard enough to compress her lungs.

"Oh Emmy," Gil said. "Breath."

Gil heard footsteps and looked up at Sara. Her hands flew to her mouth and she ran back into the living room for the phone. Gil breathed another deep breath into Emily and pumped her chest. Finally she coughed and let out a wail. Her small body shook with sobs and Gil reached for the mask. He slipped it over her face and turned it on.

"Good girl," Gil said.

Gil could hear Sara on the phone. She requested that the hospital send the paramedics out and Gil did not disagree.

O~O

Emily's pediatrician was a pleasant woman named Dr. Daly. She met Gil and Sara at the hospital and checked Emily over. Emily seemed comfortable with Dr. Daly and Gil figured it was because they had seen a lot of each other. Gil had taken control of signing papers and talking to doctors; Sara was still too overwhelmed to do anything but tend to Emily.

"She looks fine," Dr. Daly said. "You acted quickly."

"Gil did," Sara said. "I didn't even hear the monitor go off. What kind of mother am I?"

Sara wiped her eyes and Gil squeezed her hand. "It isn't your fault," he said. "She's fine."

Dr. Daly filled a syringe and Emily screamed. "I am just going to give her a steroid shot," Dr. Daly said. "Hold her tightly."

Gil held Emily close to him while Dr. Daly administered the shot. Emily struggled to get loose, but Gil held her fast.

"It's alright," he said, soothing the child.

"There," Dr. Daly said. "All done."

Sara took Emily in her arms and smoother her hair back. "I can't lose my baby," she said. "I can't live without you."

O~O

They brought Emily back home and laid her in their bed. Gil hooked up the monitor and Sara went to work emptying Emily's closet. She put everything in the washing machine and added allergy reducer. Gil dragged the toy box into the living room and began to sanitize everything with bleach. Sara stripped the bed and threw the old sheets away. While Gil was washing the new sheets, Sara mopped the floor.

"I know what set her off," Sara said, walking into the living room.

She held up Frank by one arm and Gil took it. "I guess we can take it to the laundry mat," he said.

Sara shook her head. "That place is filled with so much dandruff," she said. "She'd be dead if we did that."

"We can't throw him out," Gil said. "She loves him."

Sara threw up her hands. "Then what do I do with it?" she asked harshly.

Gil handed her the bear. "We'll have it dry cleaned," he said.

Sara turned this over in her mind. "I guess that will work," she said. "The moment she sneezes, it's gone."

Gil agreed. "That sounds fair," he said.

He wanted to tell Sara to relax, but he understood her point. It something threatened a child's life; it was the parent's responsibility to get rid of the source. Sara put the bear in a trash bag and carried it out to the car. Gil busied himself by washing out the inside of the toy box and placing the toys back inside.

"You acted so quickly," Sara said as she reentered the house. "You knew where everything was."

Gil couldn't explain how he knew where the breathing mask and medication was kept. In his past, he didn't remember ever performing CPR on a toddler.

"Maybe you remembered it," Sara suggested.

O~O

School started back up in the middle of January and Gil found himself going over new material. Sara had started teaching again, so Emily went to a babysitter's every day until Sara brought her home. All of Gil's classes were so familiar that hr didn't need to do much refreshing. His office at UCLA was almost an exact replica of the one he had in Las Vegas. Insect aquariums lined the walls, but unlike in Vegas, pictures of Emily and Sara lined the shelves. He found that his colleges were understanding of his condition and very impressed that he had the persistence to move on with his life.

"If I had half of you enthusiasm, Grissom," Said his college Dr. Lougee. "Then I would be Dean and not you!"

Sara stopped by his office twice a week to eat with him. While they ate, the talked about their days; it was good to have normality in life and finally find your place. Gil's love and passion for Sara only magnified itself each day. Every day he learned something new about her. He learned that she cried when she watched _Lifetime_ movies, he learned that she loved sunflowers, and he learned that she loved ice cream. Every day after he left his office, Gil would bring home a carton of Rocky Road and by dinnertime the carton would be empty. The thought that Sara could be pregnant had fluttered in Gil's mind, but he brushed it aside and waited on her to tell him.

"_She'l_l_ tell me when the time is right_," he thought as he locked his office door one rainy afternoon.

As he walked down the dark hall, a woman bumped into him. Gil looked up to say excuse me, but for some reason no words came out. He only starred at her dark hair and dark eyes.

"Do I know you?" he asked.

The girl nodded. "I took your introduction course," she said. "Introduction to Entomology."

Gil smiled. "Oh," he said. "Have a good day."

As Gil walked away, he felt afraid to go home. He wanted to go back to his office and grade papers from there, but he was too afraid to turn around. Something about the mysterious girl angered him and he felt the need to know why.

* * *

**I am at a good pace so far. Yes, keep me accountable for finishing. Please review and have a good Friday**


	11. Chapter 11

No matter how hard he tried, Gil was unable to get the image of the mysterious girl out of his mind. During supper, Sara chatted away about Emily's new words. Gil nodded along, but was hardly paying attention. For their dinner that night, Sara had cooked vegetarian spaghetti. It closely resembled regular spaghetti and you could hardly tell it was made without meat.

"Gil," Sara said. "Where are you right now?"

Gil looked up. "Hmm?" he said.

"I just said that Emily said 'Shit' and you just nodded along," Sara said. "Where is your mind?"

Gil shook his head. "It's nothing," he said. "I just had a busy day."

"Oh," Sara said, pouring more wine into her glass. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Gil hesitated, but then forged ahead. "I ran into this woman today," he said. "Something about her was so familiar. She said that she was one of my former students."

Sara was confused. "And why would that bother you?" she asked.

Gil shook his head. "I'm not too sure," he admitted. "I felt so… angry with her."

Sara stood and went around to stand behind Grissom. She put her arms lovingly around him and kissed his neck. The tenderness of Sara's affection washed away his uneasiness.

"Just let it go," Sara suggested. "We finally have everything back on track. Why risk it?"

Gil agreed. "You're right," he said. "It doesn't matter."

O~O

Springtime had come and with the change in seasons, Gil had his cast removed. He now wore a leg brace that ran the whole length of his leg. He was nervous about walking without crutches, but Dr. Stogner gave him a pamphlet on exercise techniques that were designed to strengthen his muscles. Every day he hobbled with the help of a cane, but soon walking became easier and he began to walk normally again. Sara was glad his cast was gone for reasons of her own.

"I'd rather feel your bare legs against my skin and not that rough, prickly cast," she teased.

Gil assumptions that Sara was pregnant proved to be true. She admitted that she had known for a few months, but was scared to raise her own hopes of having another baby. At the first sonogram, Gil stared intently at the screen. It was amazing to see something you made inside of a person you loved. One of the upstairs bedrooms was picked out for a nursery and Gil wondered if he would have to buy more pink paint, or if he would buy blue. It would make him proud if he had a son, but Sara warned about raising hopes.

"Gil," she said. "I know you're excited, but we haven't had much luck with children."

Gil shook his head. "I feel that this will work out," he said.

O~O

One sunny afternoon in March, Gil found himself wrapping up his classes and turning in final grades. He was pleased that a lot of his evaluations reported positive feedback, but there a few negatives here and there.

"Dr. Grissom," he secretary, Kate, said as she opened his door.

Gil looked up. "Yes," he said.

"The Dean of the college is here to see you," she said.

Gil was surprised. "Show him in," he insisted.

Kate opened the door wider and in walked two serious looking men. One man was completely bald and reminded him of Conrad Ecklie. The other man had long red hair and he looked like musician from the renaissance period.

"Dr. Grissom," the man with red hair said. "We have met before, but I understand if you don't remember. My name is Walter Beckham and this is the school's lawyer, Mr. Lewis."

Gil nodded at the two men. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

Both men took a seat and Mr. Lewis opened his briefcase. "We received a very startling phone call from a man named Daniel Stevenson," he said. "He claims that you attacked his daughter."

Gil was speechless and very unsure what to say. "I can assure you that that never happened," he insisted.

Beckham nodded. "The college is going to stand behind you," he said. "But you need to understand the gravity of the situation."

"First of all," Mr. Lewis said. "There is going to be a hearing. Your wife is going to be cross examined and so is the student who made these accusations. Now, since you cannot remember the truth… this puts us in a bind."

"Sara?" Gil said. "Why… what does she have to do with any of this?"

"It's just standard procedure," Mr. Lewis said. "We don't want to cause trouble, but when accusations like this are made… we have to take the necessary steps."

Gil felt as if he were in a horrible nightmare. "What's going to happen?" he asked.

"If the board finds you guilty," Beckham said. "Then we will be forced to terminate your employment here. You will not be able to work at any other college or university, and you will be fined ten thousand dollars. I know that your daughter needs a lot of medical attention," he continued. "So we are doing our best."

"Your best?" Gil asked. "Do you know how my wife is going to reacted when I tell her what I am being accused of hurting a student."

"She didn't just accuse you of hurting her," Mr. Lewis said. "She's accusing you of raping her."

"This is bullshit," Gil said. "You know I would never do such a thing."

"I'm sorry," Beckham said. "I'll give you a few days to tell Sara. We have to move forward with this."

The two men left quickly and Gil sat dumbfounded at what he had heard. He knew his own self better than that, and there was no way he would ever hurt a student. He had no desire to tell Sara what had just occurred, but if she was going to be questioned, then he couldn't get around it. Quickly he pulled open his desk drawers and looked for all the students with the last name 'Stevenson'. He found a total of twenty students that he instructed, fifteen of which were male. He put the male folders back and only concentrated on the females. Two of the females were married with children. The fact that their fathers would call the school and suggest that Gil attacked them was unlikely. Once he eliminated the married students, three remained. He opened their files and saw that one was a graduate student who had been recently hired as a graduate assistant. He set the graduate aside and concentrated on two others; Brianna Stevenson and Nichole Stevenson. Neither name rung a bell, so he packed them into his briefcase and left his office.

O~O

When he got home, Gil locked himself in his office and opened his filing cabinet. He found no files or papers on either of the Stevenson girls. Sara was in the kitchen cutting vegetables. She had already begun to gain weight and was eating more food then she was making. He knew he had to tell her what had transpired, but he didn't want to stress her out.

"Gil," Sara said, knocking on the door to his office. "Dinner is ready."

Gil took a last glance at both files and put them in the middle drawer of his desk. Perhaps this was a situation that would fix itself. Maybe tomorrow Mr. Stevenson would call UCLA and tell them he had made a mistake.

"Gil," Sara said again.

"I'm coming," he replied.

Sara's footsteps padded away and Gil stood to leave. He made up his mind to tell her. She had a right to know and not telling her would cost him a lot more. In the kitchen, Emily sat in her chair. Hank had taken her palace at her feet, waiting on an unlucky piece of food to fall from her tray.

"Honey," Gil said he took a seat. "We have to talk about something."

Sara piled salad onto his plate. "Oh boy," Sara said. "Sounds like you had a bad day."

Gil couldn't disagree. "It's been a wild one," he said, placing his hand on her belly. "Feel anything yet?"

Sara shook her head. "Not yet," she said, patting his hand. "It won't be long, hopefully."

Gil took a deep breath and proceeded to tell Sara what happened. As he spoke, worry lines creased her forehead. He told her about the accusations and the upcoming hearing.

"And if I am found guilty," Gil concluded. "I'll be fired. I won't be able to work at any other university ever again."

Sara pushed back her plate. "What was the girl's name?" she asked.

Gil didn't know. "The Dean didn't mention it," he said. "The last name is Stevenson."

Sara looked up. "You had one student named 'Stevenson' last term," she said.

She stood, went back to Gil's office, and then returned with a grading book. She thumbed through the pages and then pointed at a name.

"Nichole Stevenson," Sara said. "I failed her."

"What are her other grades?" Gil asked.

Sara scanned the book. "She did terrible," she said. "I gave her what she deserved. She should have just dropped the class."

Gil scratched his beard. "Do you think she is trying to get back at me because she failed?" he asked.

"Of course," Sara said. "Proving it is what we need to do. Did you look through all your files? Is there anything about her?"

"Nothing," Gil said.

Sara nodded. "We'll hire our own lawyer," she said.

* * *

**Sorry this is short, but this is all for this chapter. I am working on 12. :) Please reviews.. have a blessed day. **


	12. Chapter 12

Hello folks, there has been a little bit of confusion. Nichole was Grissom's student, but because of the accident Sara gave the finals and failed her. If you reread chapter one, you will see that Sara had to wrap up the class. She didn't know who to fail and who to pass. She did the right thing by giving each student what they had earned. Please leave a review. I will try my hardest to have this story wrapped up in a few days. Then I will finish Stealing Faces. That one is a little tough. …. To answer some more questions… I think I will write two more chapters.

0~0~0~0~0

Gil and Sara hired their own attorney, a man named Joshua Simmons. Simmons was a handsome man who reminded Sara somewhat of Warrick. He suggested that the Grissoms hire a private investigator to investigate Nichole Stevenson.

"I am sure the college is trying," Simmons told them. "But it is best that you cover your own ass. There is too much at stake."

Sara agreed. "I'm curious to know just who this little bitch is," she said.

Simmons took off his glasses. "Since Gil can't recall what exactly happened," he explained. "It is going to be hard to denounce anything that she says. We need tangible proof that she has a flawed character."

The private investigator that they hired looked almost like Dr. Phil, not the Magnum P.I that Sara was hoping for. During their first meeting, he was devouring a dozen doughnuts. He offered one to Gil and Sara, but they both quickly declined.

"I might look messy," he said when he saw Sara's worrying look. "But I'm the best in the field; used to work for Hollywood homicide."

"Why did you quit?" Gil asked.

The investigator sighed. "Bad knee," he explained. "You're not worth much if you can't chase down a crook. So what can I do for you?"

Gil started off by explaining his condition. He talked about relearning the last eight years. Then he talked about Nichole Stevenson and the accusations. He assured the investigator that he wasn't the type of man to do such an thing and mentioned Emily's medical bills and the new baby.

Sara handed him any information they had on Nichole Stevenson. The hearing is in a week," she explained.

The investigator looked over the information and nodded. "One week is cutting it a little close," he said. "I can do it for five hundred… make that three hundred because I like kids."

Gil looked over at Sara and she gave a nod. He wrote out the check, signed it, and handed it over to the investigator. It disappeared into his pocket and he smiled.

"I'll get right on it," he said.

O~O

On the morning of the hearing, Sara was nervous. She tried to eat, but she was too nauseated to keep any food down. Weather it was because of the baby or her own anxiousness, she didn't know. So, leaving Emily with a sitter, they left for the hearing. The investigator they hired hadn't reported his findings, and Sara was worried that he hadn't found anything.

"Don't worry," Gil said as they walked into the courthouse. "It's going to be fine."

Inside the courtroom, there were many faces that Gil did not know. Eyes starred at him as he walked towards the front to take his seat. One the prosecutor's side, side the mysterious brunette. He had a name for her now; Nichol Stevenson. Two older people, who looked like Nichole's parents, were sitting beside her.

"I hope you get what you got coming to you," Mr. Stevenson said to Gil. "These students trust you. How could they hire a monster like you?"

Sara bit down on her tongue, but the urge to lash out and scream at them was overpowering. Mrs. Stevenson looked at Sara like she was supposed to feel ashamed of herself. Nichol Stevenson looked down at her shoes.

"Ignore them," Sara told Gil as they sat down.

"And you" Mrs. Stevenson said, glaring at Sara. "How can you stand behind such a man? If my husband had been attacking and raping students, then I wouldn't be able to even look at him."

"All rise," the bailiff said.

Sara let out a sigh and stood. If the bailiff hadn't spoken, then she would have gotten into a screaming match with the Stevenson's. She tried her best not to judge them, Nichole had them pegged.

"Judge Brier is residing," the bailiff said. When the Judge took a seat, everyone sat down.

Sara tried to pay attention to what the prosecutor was saying. She painted Gil as a man who took advantage of people and who was a monster who needed to be controlled. People in the seats behind them spurred the prosecutor on, and were warned many times to be quiet. Sara felt like she was in a pit full of hungry saber-toothed tigers. Everyone behind them was convinced that Gil was guilt. It was a classic 'To Kill a Mockingbird' moment. Sara glanced at her watched and turned to scan the faces, looking for their investigator. Finally, the defense spoke and the school's lawyer, Mr. Lewis, and their own lawyer, Mr. Simmons, took the floor. They painted Gil as an honest man with a family. They assured the court that Gil's background had been thoroughly scoured before UCLA hired him. All the words blurred together, and Sara felt herself growing faint.

"Sara," Gil whispered. "Drink some water."

Sara poured some water from the pitcher and gulped it down. For a moment, she felt better, but then spots began to dance in front of her eyes. Gil whispered something to the lawyer and they quickly stood.

"Can we break," Mr. Simmons asked. "Mrs. Grissom is in a delicate condition."

The judge looked at his watch. "Court will recess for one hour."

When the gavel sounded, everyone stood. Mrs. Stevenson didn't waste a moment to speak her mind. Sara stood weakly and glanced at Mrs. Stevenson.

"I feel sorry for you," Sara said. "Your husband is a blind bastard and your daughter is a little lying bitch."

Mrs. Stevenson looked like she had been slapped. "You shut your filthy mouth," she said. "Your husband is a monster who preys on his students."

Gil hurried Sara away and out into the hallway. The air was fresher outside the courtroom, but Sara still felt faint. She sat on a bench and waited while Gil went to get a wet paper towel. Nichole Stevenson walked up beside her and quietly took a seat.

"You're the one I feel sorry for," she said. "You love your husband, but don't want to hear the truth."

Sara looked up. "You're a liar," she said. "When this trial is over you're going to look like a fool."

Nichole shook her head. "How do you know I am lying?" she asked. "He doesn't remember anything and you cannot say for sure if he did rape me."

Sara disagreed. "I do now," she said. "I know my husband and I know that he would never hurt anyone."

"Think about it," Nichole said. "So many wives think that they know their husbands, but ninety persent of the time they having affairs or mass murdering people. "

Sara closed her eyes and leaned her head back. "I don't feel like talking about this anymore," she said. "You need to go."

Nichole stood. "I am sorry about all your trouble," she said. "It has to be hard having a sick child and dealing with this. I sure hope this baby works out for you."

O~O

After recess was over, Sara was having doubts. Her head ached from racing so much and nausea continuously threatened to boil over. Mr. Stevenson took the stand and explained how his daughter had called him one night and told him her Entomology teacher had raped her.

"My daughter isn't a liar," Mr. Stevenson said. "It's sad when we can't trust our college professors these days."

After he stood down, a few of Nichole's friends took the stand. They all witnessed bruises on Nichole and said that she shied away after the alleged attack. Gil's lawyers did their best to cross examine, but without Gil's story, no one knew what to ask.

"Court will continue and noon tomorrow," the judge said, banging his gavel.

Everyone stood quickly and filed out of the courtroom for the second time that day. Gil put his hand on Sara's arm, but she brushed it aside. Her mind didn't know what to do. She loved Gil with all of her heart, but the seed of doubt had been planted.

"Come on," Gil said. "Let's go home."

O~O

Sara stuffed clothes into Emil's bag hurriedly. Gil watched from the doorway, unsure of how to stop her from leaving. Sara turned her back to open the toy box and Gil saw his chance. He opened the diaper bag and put Emily's clothes back into their correct drawers. When Sara turned back to pack some toys, she saw what Gil had done.

"I'm just going to stay with my mother for a few days," Sara explained.

"I need you," Gil said, taking the toys from her. "I need you to stay here with me."

Sara shook her head sadly. "I don't want to go through this," she said. "This isn't fair."

"I know it isn't fair," Gil said. "This is obviously a big misunderstanding."

Sara wasn't convinced. "It isn't," she said. "They know what they are doing."

Gil paused. "Are you saying you think I did it?" he asked brokenhearted.

Sara started repacking. "You know I'm not saying that," she said. "I just need to leave. I can't put myself through this."

To Sara's surprise, Gil agreed. "Alright," he said. "We'll take a break. After all this is cleared up and when school lets out… then we'll go on vacation."

Sara disagreed. "I can't put my body through this stress," she said. "I don't see how we can beat this. I mean, I don't even know what your side of the story is. You can't even remember."

Gil felt as if he has been stung. "You know I would never," he said. "What's gotten into you?"

Sara finished packing Emil's bag and turned to grab her own suitcase. "I'm just so tired," she said. "I tried so hard with you and then, when we finally have a break, this happens," she said, wiping her eyes. "I just want things to be normal."

Seeing Sara cry was his weakness, he knew it always had been. "Please don't go," he said. "I can't do this without you. You are the only person whose opinion matters to me."

Sara slipped Emily's jacket on her and buttoned her up. "You know I love you, Gil," she said.

Sara carried the bags out to the car and tugged Emily along by the hand. The little girl looked back at her father. Sara loaded the bags into the trunk and buckled Emily into her safety seat. She patted her pockets for the keys and turned around to see Gil holding them out to her.

"Here," he said, putting them in her hand. "I know me and I know I wouldn't have made you do anything you didn't want to do."

"Thanks," Sara said, taking the keys.

"Call me," he said, opening the back door. "Bye Em. Daddy loves you."

O~O

Gil watched Sara back down the driveway before he headed back into the house. He knew that Sara was right, she did need a break. He didn't know if they were going to make it through this, but there was hope that the investigator had uncovered some information. Gil left him a voice message, explaining that the hearing would be over the next day and that they needed whatever information he had. With Sara and Emily gone, all Gil felt like doing was sleeping. He felt like pounding his head until a memory, any memory that could help, returned.

"Did I do this?" He questioned himself. "Did I know myself that well?"

He rolled over in the empty bed and felt the same empty feeling that he had felt the first time he slept in the bed alone. Not having Sara near him was like a flower not absorbing sunlight. He felt like he wanted to die without her, but wanted her to make up her own mind. Gil wasn't a man who cried easily, but he felt burning tears well up and threaten to run over. If he did lose this case, then they would have to move. He didn't know what kind of job he could get or if he would have to face jail time. They would have to find Emily a new pediatrician, one who didn't charge as much. Finally, he could take it no more. He put his arm over his eyes and he cried. He cried because he didn't remember the truth, he cried because Sara was gone, and he cried because he was afraid. A gentle hand rested on his back and Sara's familiar, smoky voice filled his head.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I won't leave."


End file.
